Fading Light
by 32-bit Mandarin Orange
Summary: When Miroku awakens one night to find his air void consuming him, his friends, especially Sango, are shocked. In a race against time, Miroku finds himself fighting two battles- one for life and death, the other against his love for one girl
1. Distortion::

Hey hey hey! Yes, I'm busy with two fics at once^^ my mind has been completely obsessed, what can I say? I'm still working on both at once, so don't fret! Just enjoy! 

Chapter One :::Distortion:::

A black, nameless abyss, one he'd pictured so many times but never actually encountered. 

Countless creatures bared their fangs at him, leering in anticipation at seeing his blood spilled. _You brought us to this hell_, the seemed to say, now it's your turn. He was falling, reaching up to grasp at a ledge that wasn't there. 

This feeling was terrible; the ground rushing down and the uncertainty of when he would die. A massive pain suddenly engulfed his whole body as the blackness closed in around him. 

Miroku woke up sweating. All around him the forest was silent, the only sounds protruding it the soft sighs of his companions. 

_Yes, still here. _He breathed a small sigh of relief and for a long moment just relished in the safety of the night. Yes, still secure. But that certainly didn't shake the feeling out of his stomach. No matter what, it was always there- like a worm, burrowing through his gut, only showing its face from time to time. 

His left hand absently trailed down and touched the traitorous right hand. Even when he slept, he kept the beads firmly wrapped around it. 

It had been another one of the dreams of his impending doom. He didn't know if it would happen a year from now, a month from now, or in an hour. Was that what it would be like? Would it hurt? Would he know it was happening, or would he suddenly vanish? 

He took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. Usually when these dreams came, Miroku couldn't find sleep again for a long time. 

Next to him, Sango sighed in her sleep and rolled over. That warm feeling he got whenever he looked at her rushed in all at once. An angel, that's what she was. No one would ever know that this angel would hit him so hard his teeth rattled if he ever tried to pull anything. 

Glancing at her face once more, he saw two glistening dark eyes staring at him. 

For a moment neither of them said a word. 

"You okay?" she asked finally in that soft, gentle voice that he'd heard her use when she was talking about her brother. 

He averted his eyes slightly and nodded. No one knew of his nighttime torment; during the day he acted so normal that no one suspected anything. He wasn't about to burden Sango with his problems, too.  

"You were thrashing around and moaning. You woke me up," she stated, narrowing her eyes. "You sure nothing's wrong? You're shaking."

"Just a bad dream," he mumbled, laying his hands down so their shaking wouldn't be so evident.. "I get them sometimes."

She nodded in understanding. "Yeah, me too. Usually it takes a long time for me to go to sleep." A faraway look came into her eyes and he knew she was thinking about Kohaku. 

He didn't know how to respond to this. 

A pause. 

"Sango! Look over there, quick!" he pointed out into the forest and quickly groped her behind. 

She fell for his scheme and all too late realized this. "Kuso!!!Yaro!" She smacked him across the face and sat down, glaring at him. 

"I try to help you, but all you wanna do is get your grinds for the day, don't you?"

He shrugged. "Oyasumi, Sango." 

Then he turned back into his blankets and smiled to himself. Amazing how quickly the façade came on. Somewhere deep down, though, he regretted his actions. _I should have talked to her more. She looked lonely, just then. _Reaching his hand up to his smarting face, he stayed like that until sleep finally overtook him. 

The next morning began like any typical morning. Miroku awoke to the sound of loud bickering somewhere nearby. 

"-and do you listen? Nooooo. But you're just a stupid human. You would never know anything about climbing trees, would you?"

"Well at least I'm wholly human instead of half human!"

"Well your human blood makes you stupid, Kagome!"

"Let's see how stupid I am! Osuwari!!!"

A huge thud followed by a string of cuss words. 

Miroku yawned and stretched. Last night seemed that in itself it was a dream- Sango's half illuminated face, his shaking hands, and the coldness of the night. 

"Ohayo, houshi-sama," Sango greeted him as he rose off his blankets. 

"Ohayo," he responded, smiling. In the morning, things didn't look so bad. In fact, usually during the rush of the day, his hand was the farthest thing from his mind. 

In the background, the quarreling continued. 

"Chikusho, Kagome, you don't have to use violence!" Screeched Inuyasha, "now my ass is sore!"

"I would think your ass would be used to it by now," she responded calmly, "I've sat you so many times you should be immune to it."

"Well, I'm not!" he yelled. 

Miroku glanced at Sango, a small smile of amusement on his face. 

"I think I'm getting a headache," she said rather loudly, but they were so engrossed in their battle that neither heard.

"There's only one way to stop this," Miroku stated, and advanced forward towards the battlefield.

"Come on, children, I think it's time we started going now. There are still lots of shards left to collect."

Kagome blushed, embarrassed at being caught looking so stupid. 

"Keh," Inuyasha spat, "Come on then, let's get a move on it."

The group made their way out of the clearing and back onto the road. He noted that Sango flew to Kagome's side like a magnet, so he didn't bother going to her. 

She wouldn't want to talk about last night, anyways. 

"Inuyasha, that's no way to treat a beautiful lady like Kagome. You should treat her with respect if you want to win her heart," Miroku said to him.

"Like you would know," he snapped, obviously still ruffled from their fight. 

Miroku shrugged. "I'm the one who has ladies lined up to bear my child. But what would I know?" He focused his attention to the road ahead. They were coming up to a city, and a city meant girls. 

"Well, it looks like we're at another city," he chirped."

"I see that look on your face, Miroku!" Sango screamed. "Don't get any bright ideas!"

But it was too late, much too late. He'd already quickened his pace and was practically prancing towards the mass of buildings before him. 

"Will you bear my child?"

Sango turned away in disgust. She was standing fuming silently next to Kagome as she watched the monk flit from girl to girl, asking the same question over and over. 

"Come on, Kagome, let's go get something to eat before this bonehead makes me lose my appetite," Sango mumbled as she dragged Kagome away.

He made her so mad! And so confused, she had to admit. For the millionth time she felt the old rage build up as he flirted with other girls. _What a jerk_, she thought. 

_He'll never be faithful to any of them ever. Especially not me. _

She froze. The afterthought had come unbidden. _No, not me, she corrected herself, __but I don't want to old lecher anyways. _

"Sango? You okay?" she glanced up to the face of her closest friend, who had an expression of concern on her face. 

"Am I really that transparent?" She asked, grinning. 

"You were just quiet."

"Yes…" she glanced down. "That bastard. It's bad enough that he grabs me at every available opportunity, but I also have to sit and watch him act like a playboy!"

Kagome silently listened to her friend's rants. They were sitting on the edge of the street, eating rice and dumplings that they'd picked up at a street vendor. 

"Well, it's Miroku…" she said lamely, "Don't bother caring so much. When Inuyasha acts like an idiot, which is most of the itme, I just ignore him."

"'cept for this morning," Sango said mischievously, and Kagome responded with  a prompt "shut up."

"But seriously." All the laughter was gone from Kagome's eyes, "Even under all that, he does care for you. He really does."

Sango just shrugged. "I don't care. Let's go back and find the guys!" She said with a cheerful conviction that was totally absent from her heart.

Kagome glanced at her without smiling, fairly sure her friend was faking. But it was okay, as long as neither of them admitted it. "Okay, let's go."

As they stood up Sango nearly bumped into Miroku.

"Hi, Miroku sama!" Kagome  chirped, while Sango just glared at him. 

"What's the matter, Sango?" He asked, an innocent expression on his face. 

"You!"

"What'd I do?" He asked, searching his brain. "I haven't touched you once today. If you're still mad about last night, well, you need to cool it."

Kagome's eyes widened as Sango snapped, "what have you been doing for the past hour? Think about it, baka."

"Talking to the townspeople?" He looked totally clueless, and it took everything Sango had not to slug him over the head. 

"Never mind," she muttered through gritted teeth. "Never mind, never mind, never mind."

She stalked off towards the inn they were staying in that night, leaving a confused Miroku and Kagome standing in the middle of the street. 

Review and tell me if you want more, pllllllllease!!! I love reviews, and I love you if you review. And I'll be your best friend forever. The blue button!! 

x~Aurora chan 


	2. A Living Nightmare::

***IMPORTANT***  When I first posted this story, I decided chapter one was too short so I added a more onto it. If you only got to the first scene when Miroku wakes up in the middle of the night, go back and read the rest of it or else you won't know what's going on….sorry that I'm such a dip ^_^;; Arigatou minna san…

::Chapter Two:: A Living Nightmare 

"Nani?? Doushite?" Kagome shrieked. 

The five of them were gathered into a rather large room with four sleeping pallets on the floor. 

"Don't we get separate rooms?" Demanded Kagome. 

"We were all out of room," said the innkeeper in a bored tone, "but if you want somewhere to stay, this is the best you're gonna get."

Sango glanced over at Miroku and saw a funny little awry grin on his face. A small blush covered his cheeks. 

"Don't even think about it," she mumbled, grinding her elbow into his side, and he laughed softly. 

"Well, guys!" Kagome stood in front of the group, "it looks like we're in a bit of a bind here, so I have to lay down some ground rules for this room! One-Miroku! Behave yourself, or else Sango will break your arms. Two, you all have to promise not to peek when we're changing. And three, girls and guys will sleep on opposite sides of the room. Except for Shippou, because  he would never do anything. Right Shippou?"

"Keh! Why do we have to sleep over here?" Asked Inuyasha, "The floor on this side of the room is hard concrete! This room is meant for everyone to sleep on this side!" He gestured to the front portion of the room where there was a straw floor covered in blankets. 

Kagome sighed. "No."

"Yes, dammit! I don't want to wake up with a freaking backache tomorrow morning!"

"But Miroku's a perv!"

"Who said anything about Miroku!?"

"I did!"

"Control your urges, dammit!" Inuyasha screamed at Miroku, and he backed away a few steps in fear. Inuyasha really could be really convincing sometimes.  

"And you, too, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked sweetly. 

"Keh, like I would. All I want is a decent night's sleep."

"Miroku? What about you? Promise you'll behave?" He glanced down into Sango's shimmering brown eyes, looking so innocent, so trusting. "Sure. I will. Monk's honor." He bowed to her with his staff in front of him, and she smiled. 

"Hai. Well, I'm tired. Let's go to sleep now so we can get back on the road tomorrow." 

A massive, searing pain in his right hand. He glanced down at it and saw that the blackness had engulfed it. Slowly, it was traveling up his arm, covering his chest, his shoulders, and eventually reaching his head. Air. He needed air. He was suffocating. And the pain-throbbing, and just not going away. He was dying…

Again, it took several seconds for him to realize that it was only a dream. Just a dream. The blackness of the room slowly faded in the moonlight, and he saw everyone sprawled across the floor, their figures illuminated. Kagome had somehow curled up next to Inuyasha and was using his chest as a pillow, and Sango was tucked into a corner, her legs neatly folded beneath her. Shippou lay against Kagome. 

Somehow, the normality of the peaceful scene brought him a slight comfort. He was just starting to relax from the dream when he noticed his hand. 

The pain hadn't alleviated. It bit at his cursed palm, as fierce as it had been in his sleep. 

"Oh, gods…" he whispered into the night. His father had died when Miroku was only five years old-he'd been about twenty seven. Right now, Miroku was twenty, but that didn't mean that he would die at the same age as his father. In fact, his sempai had told him that he would probably die younger. 

Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. _This means nothing_, he told himself. _It's hurt before; it doesn't mean anything._ Except before there had been a reason. He hadn't been in any battles lately; the only thing he'd used his hands for was to grope Sango. 

Still, the uneasiness wouldn't leave him, and the longer he sat there feeling his hand throb, the more panic built up. _Try counting to ten, he thought. _

Ichi…ni….san….kon…

He ran short of breath at four. It seemed the more time passed, the more the pain engulfed him. Is this _it? This one night, so innocent, so like any other.__ He thought of what he'd accomplished in life so far._

He hadn't killed Naraku, hadn't even been able to produce an heir for himself. Worthless. His gaze flew over to Sango, who was still fast asleep in the corner. He hadn't even been able to muster up the courage to ask her to marry him. He didn't _want _ to die yet. Life was too interesting. 

The room, which had seemed so spacious at first, seemed to be closing in on him. And everyone else was stealing his air, and instead of oxygen he was gasping in heat. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he must be having a panic attack. _Air, precious air, _he thought. Outside. 

He stood up quickly and stumbled over to the door. Kuso, Sango's legs were stretched out over the entrance. His mind did a quick, shaky debate over what he could do. At this point, he didn't care how many times he got slapped, because he needed to get _out. _

Grasping one leg in each hand, he slid them over a few inches until he could get to the door. Unfortunately, he didn't do it gently enough. 

Her eyes flew open to the sight of him with her legs in his hands. "Houshi sama! What are you doing!" She hissed, kicking out of his grasp and leaping up to slap him. 

"It's not what you think…really. Trust me this once." His voice sounded strange, trembling. Weak. 

Then he pushed her aside and left, leaving the curtains flapping behind him. "Miroku…?" She whispered in confusion. Something hadn't sounded quite right in his voice. She decided to follow him. 

He'd been walking fast. When she entered the hallway, he was already gone. _Where's he going? Is he _leaving? She hurried down the corridor, her heart in her throat. What was wrong with Miroku?

When she burst out the front door of the building, she glanced around her. The only light was that coming from the moon, and it provided her with a mediocre view of the area. She scanned the roads around her for a solitary figure clad in robes. Finally, after a few seconds of terrifying emptiness when she thought he was gone, she saw him. 

He was standing, just standing at the edge of the town, gazing into the dark forest before him. The cool air rippled through her sleeping robes, and she shivered. But she couldn't abandon him. She needed to know what was wrong with him. 

She hurried over to the spot where he stood but slowed down as she approached him. 

"Houshi sama…?" Sango walked up to him, the sounds of her footsteps seeming painfully loud in the silence of the night. 

"What's wrong?" 

She saw him draw in a long, shuddery breath, and at that moment she was acutely aware of his manliness- the broad shoulders, the Adam's apple quivering at his throat, his height, his strong hands. 

Finally, he held up his hand without a word. The right hand, covered in purple cloth and blue rosary beads, looked the same as usual. But when she peered in closer, she gasped. 

"It's-it's fading!" She cried. And indeed it was. From a relative distance, no one would notice, but up close, she saw the blades of grass vaguely through his fingertips. 

Her panicky eyes met his. "Oh my god…Miroku….why didn't you say anything?" 

He kept his head lowered, but his eyes raised up to her. "What could you do? My time is coming, I think. There's nothing you, or I can do about it now." His calm acceptance shocked her. He'd always been like this-sometimes blunt and logical…but how did he come to terms so quickly?

"Demo…" she found herself at a loss for words. "You could have told me! Don't you trust me?" Tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks in angry, hot rivers. 

Suddenly she felt his two warms hands on her shoulders, and for a split second their eyes met- his, pained and panicky, hers full of tears. Then he seized her into an embrace, abruptly pulling her into his chest.  

For a moment, she was shocked, but then a faint, fluttery feeling exploded in her stomach. His warms robes sheltering her from the night, and for a moment she felt that they were safe from anything in the world. She cautiously brought her arms around him and held on, as if that would prevent him from slowly drifting away.

He was clutching onto her equally tightly, feeling a tight need to just hold on to her.  

"Why do you just accept it?" She demanded, her words muffled by his chest. "Why don't you fight? That's what I would do, Miroku." She forced her head upwards and spoke directly up to him. "There is still a chance. If we kill him, then you could survive. _Don't _just give up!"

His head was still buried in her shoulder. She realized, with a start, that her robe had slipped off to the side a little and his cheek was touching her bare skin. "Sango, if you will fight with me, I promise I won't give up," he said in a near whisper. She could feel his lips brushing against her neck as he spoke, and she shivered. 

He pulled away from her, but his hands were still on her shoulders. "Will you?" 

Sango stared up into his eyes- so pain-ridden, on the edge of losing all control. "Of course I will."

He smiled a little bit, a faint, half smile, and then said "let's go back to the room now."

They walked back in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When they reached the room, Miroku glanced down at his sleeping pallet and stopped. 

"Sango…"

"Hm?" she was already settling down into hers. 

"You're a youkai exterminator when you're awake…but maybe you could keep the night demons away, too?

It took her several seconds to realize what he was getting at. 

"You want to…?"

"Sango, can I please sleep with you? Just to lie next to you? And you already have my honor."

She looked at him with a serious, sad expression painting her face. He looked like a little boy. 

"Get in," she said softly, and he crawled into the corner next to her. 

Sango felt her heart beating hard against her ribs. _Calm down…it's just Miroku. But she couldn't…not when they were like this. Their bodies where intoxicatingly close together, and the heat generated by them was almost too much to bear. _

She opened her eyes and saw him staring straight into hers. 

"Sango…" he said suddenly, and reached up to push a stray strand of hair aside. She felt herself blushing-gods! why did she have to blush? Hopefully he couldn't see it in the dark room. 

His face, which had been smiling at her, suddenly contorted into an expression of agony. "Miroku! What's wrong! Miroku!" 

"It….hurts….it hurts so much…."

Panic gripped her. Seeing him in so much pain almost made her hurt, too. She didn't know what to do, so she just grasped his cursed hand in hers. 

Miroku wouldn't tell anyone unless it was really bad. He was always like that, keeping his problems to himself and locking himself away. 

Suddenly his hand relaxed in hers. "Does it still hurt?" she asked, fear lacing her voice. 

He nodded. "A bit, but it's not as bad as before…Sango, I thought I was dying." 

For the first time, she felt fear within him. Not just within him, but all around him. _I don't know what to say to him…or how to comfort him…so I'll just keep holding his hand. _

It was warm. It certainly didn't _feel cursed. It was just a normal, soft human hand. The rosary beads slid in between their hands and she shifted her fingers a bit. _

There seemed to be no other parts of her body-just her hand, connecting her to Miroku. _Her _Miroku. 

"I'm so scared, houshi-sama," she whispered, tightening her grip on his hand. 

"Me too." He was almost asleep. She sighed and let herself drift into a troubled sleep. 

How do you like the story so far? So far this has been one of my favorite chapters to write…and I already have the whole thing planned out due to obsessive writing at school. When I SHOULD be paying attention. ^_^ Tell me if you have any suggestions for the future! 

x~Aurora chan 


	3. Abandonment::

Gah, finally a chance to upload the chapter…

::Chapter Three::

The first thing Miroku heard in the morning was muffled giggles and shuffling around.

"So he finally got the youkai huntress. I should throw him a party when he wakes up…"

And suddenly he realized that he was not alone. His arms were draped over her, one on her stomach and the other hugging her head. Their legs were tangled up into a confused, rather suggestive, mess. Seeing her then made the memories of last night rush in, and he felt sick. 

"Miroku! What are you doing?" Kagome asked, "I thought I told you to behave yourself!"

He didn't move, save hugging Sango more tightly to himself and staring at Kagome defiantly. "And last night when I woke up I saw you and Inuyasha. Don't pretend you're innocent!"

Kagome began to blush furiously, while Inuyasha keh-ed. 

"I was cold…" she said stupidly. 

Just then Sango's eyes opened and she realized what position she was in with Miroku, and how tightly he was hugging her. 

"Ah, Sango, you're up. Ohayo!" He stroked her leg gently. 

"Kuso!!! You never learn, baka!!" She screamed and smacked him. 

"Oww…"

She turned to Kagome and Inuyasha's questioning eyes, blushing. 

"Nothing happened," she spat and began to gather her things. The evil tone in her voice prevented both of them from denying her. 

_I made a mistake last night_, he thought, _a bad, bad mistake. _

It was as if nothing had ever happened. Miroku politely put up with the constant chatter of Kagome and Inuyasha, but it was as if some unseen barrier was erected between himself and Sango. Once, when their eyes met across the picnic blanket when they were eating lunch, he quickly glanced away, as if staring in to her eyes was like touching fire. 

_What have I done?_

Guilt rendered him nearly helpless. He'd caved in, finally. He'd caved in to his love for this girl in a moment of inner tourmoil and weakness, and now both of them had begun a downward decent into failure. He wished he could squash his love for her and pretend it never existed. Why, why, why did he have to turn to her? 

Glancing at her, he saw the small smile in her eyes as she looked at him. Even though the dread of last night's discovery still hung over both of them, she had the glimmer in her eyes, the giddiness of a first love. 

And I did it, he thought. It was all me, all me. 

Damn. He buried his head in his hands. If only he could have gone back to last night and re-wrote what had happened. Then he would have simply gone back to sleep, in his own bed, and no one would know about it. 

Looking at Sango, for the first time ever, he didn't want her attention. Every time she smiled at him, ever time she glanced at him with an expression of concern, he felt like he was slowly killing her. The more she loved him, the more she would suffer when he died. 

There was only one thing to do, then. 

Push her away, whispered a voice inside.

She wouldn't realize it, but it would be for her own good. For both their own good. For their love just couldn't exist unless his Kazanna didn't. 

I guess, he thought dully, picking at the beads, I guess it's because Sango really matters. 

Later on that day, Sango felt that she could no longer take it. Miroku was ambling along up ahead with an unusually seriously expression on his face. She approached him, feeling rather shy. _Damn that houshi, she thought, _by gods, he is not supposed to make me feel this way._ But after last night, she didn't know what to say to him…especially since he was acting like nothing had happened. Maybe he'd regretted it?_

But that didn't stop her insides from melting like butter when he turned and said, "Sango."

"Houshi sama," she said in a low voice, "I don't think it's right that we should keep this a secret from everyone. Maybe they could help."

He shook his head. "They can't do anything…no one can."

She felt frustration bubbling up under her resolve. 

"Don't be so stubborn."

"But there is nothing anyone can do. Don't bother telling them," he repeated. 

"I can be just as stubborn as you," she retorted, "and I'm telling." She whirled around, ready to rush up to Kagome and Inuyasha, but he caught her hand in his own and stopped her. 

"Listen, Sango. Look at me." She looked up into his eyes and saw them shimmering with pain that made her own heart twist. 

"I don't want to be a burden to you. Any of you. I didn't mean for you to know, anyways, and I knew this would happen. So you will not tell them, you understand?"

"But…don't _you_ understand? We're your friends! We care about you! And it's not right that they should not all know! I'm telling them, anyways!" She realized that by the end of her sentence she was yelling, and Kagome and Inuyasha were at their side at once. 

"What's going on?" Inuyasha demanded, "Can't a youkai get any peace and quiet around here?"

"But…you're a hanyou," Shippou stated, and was rewarded with a prompt lump on the head. 

Sango smiled a little, but that didn't help to lighten up the gravity of the situation. 

"What's going on is _this." _She said and seized Miroku's other hand, holding it up to them. Kagome's eyes widened and Inuyasha gawked. 

"Miroku chan…how long have you known about this?" Shippou asked. 

"Yesterday evening," he responded shortly. He didn't look at Sango, and she knew he was angry at her then. He snatched his hand away from hers and hid it in a crossed arm. 

She glanced at the ground, waiting for Miroku to keep talking, to elaborate on it, to tell them his fear, his great pain, and his nightmares. But he said nothing. 

"Houshi sama…" Kagome ventured cautiously, "are you…are you in any pain? Maybe we should go visit your sempai."

"Don't bother," he said in a resistant tone Sango had never heard him use. This was so unlike the flirtatious, happy monk they were all used to seeing. Suddenly something inside Sango snapped. She was sick of this, all of it. 

"Damn it, Miroku, we're trying to help you! Stop acting like no one cares, because we all obviously do or else we wouldn't be talking to you about this! You're not a burden to anyone, especially not to me! When are you gonna get it through your thick monk skull?"

Complete and utter silence seemed to bow under the weight of her outburst. Even the birds stopped singing. 

She glared at Miroku, but he refused to return her his eyes. However, she saw him tensing up under the heat of her glowering. 

Kagome and Inuyasha stared at her, the whites of their eyes prevalent. She'd never, ever yelled at him like that before. 

"Gomen," she said softly, "I didn't mean to cause all this tension."

"Let's get outta here," Inuyasha said. 

"There's a festival in the next city, and we could probably enjoy ourselves tonight, at leaset," Kagome added. But even though no one said it, Sango knew they were all thinking it: they had time, because Miroku was right- there was nothing any of them could do, except kill Naraku, and so far they'd been unsuccessful in even that. The rest of the trip to the village was silent. 

"How ironic," said Sango blithely to Kagome, "Miroku seems to be the only one having any fun."

"Well of course. Anytime there are girls for him to flirt with it makes him feel better."

They were both in too glum a mood to do anything, and Inuyasha had disappeared almost immediately. 

Only Miroku had rushed into the crowd without a word.

"He's mad at me," Sango had confessed, "he didn't want me to tell you guys. I think he feels like I betrayed his trust somehow."

"Demo…didn't we have a right to know, too? We're all his friends."

She thought about last night. Maybe he had been so scared that he couldn't keep it all inside, and she was the only one awake. It could have been Kagome, or Inuyasha. She was nothing, just someone to flirt with since Kagome was already taken. But she'd noticed that he never liked to open himself up to anyone. 

Once, when they'd been visiting his sempai, he'd approached her. "Are you Sango?" He'd asked, and she nodded. "Miroku talks a lot about you." He did? "Don't take it personally if he keeps to himself. He's had a lot of trouble getting close to people after his father. Afraid they'll all leave him, just like he did."

Miroku, she'd thought sadly. You hurt so much. I understand. But please, share some of your pain with me…

"I'm hungry, Kagome. I'll be back in a while." Before she could answer, Sango had lost herself in the throng. 

Being along in this huge crowd of people made her feel incredibly lonely. Especially considering the fact that she was surrounded by happy couples, holding hands and chatting happily. 

"Excuse me, but where is the temple in this village?" She asked a man nearby. He eyed her in a lecherous fashion. "Around the corner. But come with me, baby. I can show you a better time than at that old temple."

He grabbed onto her wrist, and she realized how drunk he was. Most girls would have screamed, ,but she shook him off easily, skin crawling, and turned the corner. Drunk men were the least of her worries compared to youkai ten times as large as her. 

And there he was. He was standing at the top step of the temple with a long line of girls behind him. 

She joined the line quietly and listened to the two girls in front of her. 

"I heard this houshi is really good at reading palms," one girl said.

"And he's cute, too. That's the only reason I came," the other said, giggling.

Sango rolled her eyes- how shallow these girls were. 

Slowly the line inched foreword. When finally she caught sight of him, he seemed to be the very picture of happiness. 

"Ah, Konnichiwa!" she heard him say, " I see love in your future, and a sucessuful family with many children. Hm, would you mind giving me a child, too?"  A giggle floated over to her. 

Sango crossed her arms and bit her lip, trying to keep her rage in. Like usual, he was using his undying charm and letting women fall under her seemingly innocent spell. Even she had found herself joining in from time to time. Like last night, she thought. 

"Next, please!" He called out cheerfully, and an instant later she found herself face to face with Miroku.

The minute he laid eyes on her, a dark curtain seemed to fall over his face and mask the happy decorum she'd seen only seconds ago.

"Sango, what are you doing here?" He asked, the displeasure in his voice evident. 

"Don't seem so happy to see me. Sorry to ruin your little party," she said flatly.

"Look, why are you here?" His eyes blazed with an anger that shocked her. She'd never seen him this angry before. 

"Maybe I want my palm read," she said defiantly. 

"I do not have time for this. Next!" And he brushed her off like a scab.

"Don't you dare blow me off, houshi sama," she said threateningly. She was vaguely aware  that her mere presence seemed to repel all the girls gathered around. They wanted simple, fun flirting with a palm reading, but when a jealous girl came along, their fun was over. 

Suddenly out of nowhere, a girl approached Miroku and grasped onto her arm tightly. Sango stifled a gasp of anger. _Get your paws off him! She wanted to scream. _

"Are you done reading palms, houshi sama? Now we can go have some _real _fun," the girl said a smiled up at him.

"Of course," he said as if Sango was not there. He smiled down at her. Smlied at her the way he smiled at Sango. Inside, something twisted violently. _I thought he would never leave my side for someone else_, she thought. 

But the girl who'd come to his side was really pretty. She had wide, strangely blue eyes, and long, shiny raven hair. She didn't belong in this small town of peasants; there was something exotic about her. Sango thought with a scowl, he doesn't like tough girls like me. This girl looked so delicate that she could break. The bastards. 

_I mustn't let them know I'm jealous,_ she thought. _Keep calm. _

"Well, then," she said, her voice so brittle it could almost break, a calm, controlled rage sealed up tightly, "You go off and bear some kids. I don't care."

But she did. And as she turned, Miroku didn't stop her. 

She didn't give herself the luxury of crying until after they had disappeared from view. 

Nyeaaaaa….I'm tired. I'll update sooner if I get reviews and stuff. *passes out*

x~Aurora chan


	4. Footprints::

**Sorry update took so long, fanfiction being a ^&*$*   -_-  Anyways, thanks for your enthusiastic responses so far! I'm glad that I could FINALLY get this chapter out! **

**::Chapter Four:: Footprints**

Sango didn't even know where she was going. Blurring tears rushed in to fill her vision, and all she saw was a bleary mess. Somehow, it seemed appropriate. This was how the world was now. A mess.

As she stumbled around she felt like her heart had been crushed into a thousand bloody pieces. 

She couldn't stop her tears. Sango was enraged that he had made her cry like this. The sobs wrenching out of her body wracked her ribs and turned her stomach over. She had left the town behind long ago, and found herself crying into the forest floor. 

"Hate, hate hate, I hate you Miroku!" She yelled, her voice ringing in the wood, tortured and shrill. She enjoyed the sound of her yelling. "Bastard! I hate you!"

She gave herself into the sobs that were combating her words. 

After a while, she seemed to have cried herself dry. 

"Every guy I've ever, ever cared about has gone away and left me," she said softly to herself, tasting the salt of her own tears. "First Papa, than Kohaku. And now, you."

Naraku turned away from Kanna's mirror to the small boy standing before him. 

"Your sister," he said. The glazed, doll-like expression on his face didn't lift. 

"Your sister can be useful to me," he continued, placing a clawed finger on Kohaku's forehead. 

"I give you…your memories. But you are still mine."

In a minute the boy's eyes looked more alert. He glanced into the mirror and spotted the huddled form on the forest floor. 

"Onee chan? What is she doing there, Naraku sama?"

Instead of answering, Naraku locked gazes with him. "You will go to that girl and fetch her. You are her brother. If you get her, the two of you will never be separated again. But you are not to tell her about me. Do you understand?"

"I will…get her….never….again…wakateru. Now I will go, Naraku sama." He bowed to his master and left the room. 

Naraku smirked. It was good to be in control. 

In the extreme midst of her sorrow, she felt a pair ot this arms slip around her shoulders. She jumped because she hadn't heard anyone approaching her. Mentally Sango chided herself. _You could have been attacked by a youkai, letting your guard down like that. _

Little did she know that she was about to be faced with something much, much worse. 

Whipping around, she saw none other than her own dear Kohaku.

"Kohaku?" 

"Yes, it's me, onee chan.!"

"Kohaku!" She threw her arms around her little brother, and just when she thought she couldn't cry any more, more tears rushed back, but these were tears of joy. 

"You're back! You're finally back!" She held him at an arm's length and studied his face. 

Last time, he'd been free for a short while, but he'd had no memory of her whatsoever. 

She could barely believe it. 

"I'm back, and I remember everything. I finally escaped Naraku, and I'm back!"

"I'm so happy, Kohaku chan!" She exclaimed, her previous sorrows pushed aside. 

"Come with me, Sango. I have a place for us, just for us. And if we go there, we'll never have to fight youkai again."

She considered this. As long as she'd been on this earth, youkai- hunting had been a part of her life. But that was also the same thing which had brought their near downfall. Maybe…maybe giving it up would be better for bother of them. 

"Okay, then," She heard herself saying, "Take me there. Take me there, Kohaku."

"Where is she?" Was the first thing Kagome asked Miroku when he showed up hours later, disheveled and tired-looking. 

His face grew serious, more serious than she had ever seen him look before. 

"I don't know," he said gravely. 

She just stared at him in disbelief for a moment. "You don't know. I thought she went to see you. At least, that's what I figured when she went off on her own."

"She did."

It took a moment for this to sink in, but when it did, Kagome's mouth dropped open. 

"You didn't. _You didn't_…"

"I…"

"Miroku! What were you doing, exactly?"

"I was reading palms."

"Besides that? Did you go off and impregnate some girl?"

"No, I did not." He answered this with an air of indignance. "Have you so little faith in me?"

Kagome looked at him. "In a word, yes."

He shook his head at her. "I didn't do anything."

But she felt like he wasn't telling the whole truth.

"Well then we'd better go looking for her." She turned and walked through the streets, calling out Sango's name. 

Miroku hesitated for a second, staring at his hand. "Kuso," he muttered, "Now you really messed things up, houshi. Gomen, Sango," he whispered softly. But gods, the look on her face.. It was enough to melt all his anger immediately. He'd wanted to take his mind off of Sango, because he could not bear his anger for her anymore. Miroku did feel a faint smugness at making her as angry as she had made him, but the largest emotion present was guilt.

He didn't think that she would react strongly._ Well, what did you expect, then? Did you think she would say, "sure, Miroku! Go ahead and go off with another girl! I don't mind!" She wasn't the type of girl that would wait faithfully while the man she loved went off with some other girl._

He sighed and turned to follow Kagome, worry crowding into his mind for the first time that evening. 

The place that Kohaku had brought her to was beautiful. She was surprised that he knew his way through the forest so well. 

"Kohaku, have you been living in the forest? You seem to know exactly where you're going."

"Yes," he said vaguely, "I guess so." She didn't know what that meant, but she didn't care. The whole walk there she had been talking excitedly to Kohaku, overjoyed to have her little brother back. And he seemed perfectly normal. It was as if nothing had ever happened to him. 

Ha to Miroku, she thought with satisfaction. Let him go off with his woman-slut and I'll disappear just like he wanted and return to my old life before him with my brother. 

She didn't know that such a place had existed. They'd walked for hours, and the sun was sinking low in the sky. 

The ground grew increasingly hilly, and soon they reached two huge hills spouting out of the ground like trees. Kohaku led her through these hills, and inside them was a small valley with a stream bubbling across it. The land was covered in trees and draping vines, and the hills were rocky on the back end with water dripping down in a small waterfall. 

"Ohhh…" she breathed. "This is so beautiful. When did you find this? Have you been living here for a long time?" 

"Yes." He said, not looking at her. "Come on, there's a cottage here." Taking her by the hand, he tugged her towards it. 

And when she saw this, she felt happiness for the first time since her father. Thanking the gods that her Kohaku was still alive, she entered the cottage. Now, she thought, now maybe I'll really be happy forever. She tried to ignore the pain somewhere inside where Miroku had left footprints across her heart. 

The next morning, the youkai exterminator group seemed to have reached an all time low. 

Miroku, eying Kagome and Inuyasha's straight, stiff backs, knew that they blamed him fully for Sango's dissapearance. The fateful night's efforts had borne no fruit.

When Miroku and Kagome's eyes failed them in searching for Sango, they relied upon Inuyasha's keen sense of smell. Much like, as Kagome had said with a giggle, a tracking dog. At this Inuyasha grew indignant and refused to use his nose any more. "Besides," he'd added, "there's too much human here. There's no way I could find one of them."

So the next morning they'd set out with saddened hearts. Sango was gone, and she would have come back had she wanted to. No one, not even Miroku, had considered the possibility of Sango, the fighter, to be ensnared in something that was beyond her control.  

Now they'd been on the road for nearly two weeks without Sango. 

Miroku had endured many kinds of pain before. He'd lost his father, and he'd experienced loneliness. His young heart had been abandoned. He'd experienced physical pain that cut through him so sharply that he thought his life might end at that very instant. The constant fear of his life ending every day coupled all of this. But this...

Every time he glanced next to him to see an empty space, a searing ache shot up from somewhere inside. And it hurt. Hurt seemed to be too insignificant a word to describe this. 

Torture, that's what it was.  

His thoughts nearly constantly consisted of Sango. It hurt to think about her, but it hurt even worse to push her away in his mind. 

It was that evening after she'd disappeared that he'd realized how stupid he'd been. Pushing her away won't do anything, you moron, he'd chided himself. But it did not matter now. Now it was too late for regrets. 

He vowed to himself then that if he ever saw her again, he would clutch onto her and hold her to him forever, so they would never be apart again. 

Suddenly, a girl with light brown hair and dark eyes ran up to the group, breathless. 

"You are the youkai extermination group, sou da?" Kagome nodded. They had been getting quite a bit of fame throughout the area now, and now everyone wanted their help. 

Miroku felt a smile creeping up onto his face. She was cute, and what the hell, maybe it would make him feel better. 

Approaching the girl, he grasped her hands and took a deep breath. "Will you bear my child?"

She snatched her hands away and eyed him warily. He thought she would have slapped him; she had that Sango-ish expression on her face. 

"No thank you. I'm married." Ignoring him, she turned to KAgome and Inuyasha with pleading eyes. "Will you please help us? We have a youkai near our village that has been hoarding the water and eating the farmers, and a lot of people have died trying to kill it."

Looking at the girl, she did indeed appear too thin. 

"Keh!" Inuyasha spat, "We don't have time to be helping every person who comes along wanting us the kill a youkai. There are millions of them in the world, but we're only after one!"

Kagome froze, her eyes glancing about from side to side. 

"Sango chan?" Miroku ventured, feeling adrenaline pump into his veins. She had that familiar expression that told him there was either the presence of the Shikon no Tama nearby or a youkai about to slice their heads off. 

"Shikon no Kake..." she whispered, "I think this youkai has one."

Suddenly Inuyasha's sour attitude dissapeared. "Where? Let's go! I'm ready to kill that bastard! come on!" 

Miroku watched Kagome and Inuyasha head towards the village together, talking excitedly. Glancing sadly next to him once more, he slowly trailed in their footsteps. 

Ah, and the angst and drama continues. I love writing angst and drama and romance. It fun. Anyways, honestly, I didn' t like this chapter. I think it kinda sucked. But there's always THE next chapter. The next chapter is THE chapter that I've been looking foreword to writing forever. (^^whee)  Hopefully I should have it posted soon since I have more time to write during summer break. Ja  ne, and take care everyone! 

x~Aurora chan 


	5. Silence::

First off, I'd like to say "O_O" I never expected so many reviews! Thanks soooo much to all my reviewers! :D I love reviews! 

Sorry for the long wait!! It's been nearly a month since I updated, but I had writer's block like you wouldn't believe -_- I've just been writing a little at a time, and finally I finished! I guess I got a little _too excited to write this chapter…because nothing I wrote sounded good enough. But it's okay, I suppose. I tried -_-  This one's a little longer than the rest of them…but I hope u enjoy!  _

**::Chapter Five:: Silence…**

The village didn't seem right. That air of despondence hung over it that signaled the presence of a youkai. 

"The youki's coming from that direction," the girl said, waving her hand vaguely in the direction of the forest. 

Before she'd finished talking, Inuyasha had disappeared in the direction of the mountain, leaving Kagome and Miroku to watch. 

"He's always like that," Kagome said, blushing a little. "but don't you worry. Your town will be as good as new soon." 

Miroku didn't have anything to say, so he simply followed her in the direction of the youki. 

It was pungent, this smell. If Miroku could smell it, he couldn't even imagine what Inuyasha must have smelled at that moment. 

"Yuck," Kagome said, wrinkling up her nose. Shippou made a revolted face. 

"I wish I had a…what is it that you call those things from your world that capture images?"

"Camera?"

"Yes, a camera. To take your pictures." 

Kagome giggled. "We must have looked pretty stupid," she agreed. 

Suddenly, a cracking noise behind them, and they whipped around, glancing around them intently so they could face their intruder. 

But nothing could have prepared them for the sight of Sango stepping out of the foliage.  

He'd been fully prepared to attack, but the mere sight of her rendered him helpless and shut down all his defenses. 

"Sango chan?" he whispered, unsure of what to do or say. Apologies rose to his throat, but he couldn't spit them out. 

She glared at him forebodingly. The fact that she was still furious was apparent, though Miroku didn't understand why she _still _hadn't gotten over it. 

But it didn't matter. Now, to finally see him again let something inside him let out his breath in relief. After two weeks without seeing her face, he felt the only faint happiness he had felt in ages. 

Was he the only one who'd seen her? It was almost like a mirage, and apparition. But, gods, he couldn't take it anymore just looking at her. 

He felt his staff drop to the ground as he ran up to her and in an abrupt motion seized her into his arms; tightly, almost painfully. "I'm sorry, Sango…" he said in a tight, pain-ridden voice. 

"Sango chan!" Shippou yelled happily, hopping off of Kagome's shoulder and rushing up to greet her.

A low, flat voice escaped her mouth. "Stay away from me," she growled into his chest, and pushed him away. He was too shocked to put up any kind of resistance, so simply stood there gaping stupidly.

 "What's the big idea, Sango chan?" Kagome cried, and rushed to aid their fallen friend. 

"Wait," Miroku said sharply, seizing her arm. He kept his head erect, not looking at Kagome but locking gazes with Sango. 

"Look at her eyes. They don't look right..." The matter-of-fact tone in his voice startled him, when at this moment he was ready to scream, to cry. 

Kagome started and shook herself free of his grip. "Sango chan…?" But there was no time  to ponder this, for at that moment, Sango lunged forward, Hiraikotsu ready to be thrown. 

Both Kagome and Miroku ducked and narrowly avoided being hit. 

"Sango chan! Get a hold of yourself!" Miroku yelled. 

Suddenly, from behind her, two more figures appeared. One of them was the small frame of a child, and the other was a huge, lumbering youkai. 

Turning around sharply, she said "come on, Kohaku chan. Let's get it. But first, let's get these annoying people out of our way." 

Inuyasha ran up on the youkai's tail, breathless. "Kusu, sono yaro!" He swore, "stay in one spot, dammit!" 

He stopped when he saw Sango standing there with Kohaku. "Sango? You're back? Good, help us kill this youkai! You two, help me, too! Don't just stand there!"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome tried to warn him, but it was too late- he was already slashing the youkai up with the Tessaiga. 

"The Shikon no Kakera is in its right foot!" Kagome called up to Inuyasha, watching anxiously as he battled recklessly. "Be careful!"

In the meantime, Sango was picking up Hiraikotsu. "Get ready to die, houshi," she whispered, and a demonic smile whispered across her face. 

Miroku felt sick. What was wrong with Sango? 

Then the attacks started. He felt more fury poured into these attacks than anything he'd ever seen before. She mercilessly whipped the giant boomerang around, each time almost hitting him. 

"Sango! Get a hold of yourself!" He yelled while dodging her. 

"Fight back, houshi! Fight me, dammit!"

Just seeing him parry every one of her attacks seemed to make her even more furious. "Kohaku! Get the Shikon no Kakera!" 

Miroku glanced away from Sango for a second to watch him mutely followed her orders, slicing the youkai's foot open and grabbing the purple shining light. 

In that instant, a sharp, full pain exploded in his arm, so severe that he felt stars dance before his eyes.

A flash of a brown ponytail filled his vision as Sango leapt demurely past him, her brother's scythe clutched in her hand. 

She paused, frozen in her landing position, and Miroku's hand flew up to his arm. The blood was already seeping through his robes, and his hands were wet and sticky. 

Finally she drew herself up and turned to face him. "I missed, houshi. But don't worry. Next time we meet…I'll kill you." 

Then she turned and vanished into the woods. 

"She's gone," Kagome said softly to Inuyasha when he demanded to know where the hell Sango had disappeared to. 

Inuyasha cursed. "Can't she make up her damn mind? Stupid woman!" And then he had the nerve to glance at Miroku, as if it was all somehow his fault. 

"It wasn't me." 

Miroku's voice came suddenly. He hadn't said a word after Sango had disappeared with the Shikon no Kakera. His voice didn't carry its usual serenity- ice blanketed it and made it cold and harsh. 

Both Inuyasha and Kagome looked surprised at his sudden asperity. But their eyes widened further as he continued to speak. 

"I'm not the scum you give me credit for. I care about her, dammit. I care so much it hurts." His face clenched up in pain, and he quickly glanced away from them so they couldn't see the expression on his face. 

It was so familiar..oh, yes. This was the same feeling he'd had when he lost the other person he loved. His father. 

When he spoke again, his voice was crowded with emotion, and he was horrified to feel his eyes start to burn. "If you think I'm just going to let her go like that, you're wrong."

He walked away then, hearing the patter of Kirara's feet behind him. 

Right after Sango had left, he told her beloved pet that now he would take care of her now. She looked at him, understanding nothing, yet understanding everything at the same time. 

Kirara knew it was his fault...but she also knew that he was sorry. 

A smile crept over his face. It wasn't a happy smile, but it existed only to mock Inuyasha and Kagome's naivety. He was so grossly underestimated by them- only the furyou houshi who liked to flirt with girls, who occasionally won a battle here and there. 

The pain inside was almost too much to bear, but he knew he deserved it. It was his fault, and he'd brought it upon himself. 

It didn't matter if he died now. Nothing mattered. Except...

One more time, he'd like to hold her. 

He knew it was totally stupid, what he was planning on doing. But he'd made a promise to himself- a promise that he would never let Sango go again. 

It didn't matter that his right arm was nearly faded away. He remembered this from his father very well. His whole body had been slowly sucked into the Kazaana, a little at a time, when suddenly it exploded out of control and ate him alive. 

But before that, he'd been perfectly fine to do anything he pleased. 

If this killed him, it wouldn't matter, because that would mean failure, and life without Sango. He couldn't live with either. 

She looked down. The last thing she remembered was sitting in the middle of the field in front of their house, picking strawberries. 

Her hands had been stained in the red, sweet juice, and Kohaku was laughing as Sango tossed one up and tried to catch it in her mouth. The sound of her own laughter had filled the air as well; such a pleasant, rare sound that rested peacefully on her ears. 

Shutting her eyes, she struggled to grasp something, a faint memory of what she'd done from then until now. But nothing remained, not a single trace. 

_What is happening to me? _

This was far more terrifying than the worst foe. She was out in the middle of nowhere, dressed in her taiji-ya battle suit. And her hands…

Her hands were stained in red. 

"Kohaku?" She could barely force the whisper out of her throat. Realizing that the sound was barely audible, she tried again. 

"Kohaku?" 

"Sango chan?" Breathing a sigh of relief, tears blurred her vision. 

"What's going on? Look at my hands, Kohaku. They are stained with _blood_. And it is not my blood."

When he didn't respond, her eyes flew to locate him-was he still here?

From her spot on the ground, she saw his eyes in the darkness staring, just staring. Dead. "Come with me, Sango." 

Sango's heart clutched in familiar fear, for at that instant, she felt Naraku. 

Naraku gazed into the mirror with great amusement as he saw the girl awaken with a confused expression on her face. Stupid human. She didn't yet know that her mind was his. 

This was such a simple plan that he was surprised he hadn't thought of it before. No intricate plots here- it was simple. Capture the girl, and the houshi rushes off to save her without a second thought. There was no need for such thought. 

Stupid humans, so blinded by their emotions. He should have realized sooner how he could have used this girl. These ties between humans were what burdened them down. If they stayed alone always, the girl and the houshi would still be free. 

He stole away her life force after Kohaku had led her to his hideout. Soon, the rest of the hanyou's band would follow and try to rescue her, but it would be too late. By that time, he would have already wiped out the last descendant of that houshi's clan. 

Suddenly, a speck appeared in the sky. As he watched in interest, he saw that it was that stupid houshi, riding the girl's cat youkai.  

Smirking, he waited. Soon, he would see her, and that's when the real fun would begin. 

Miroku landed with Kirara and glanced around. Everything was dead…

"Sango!" A cry escaped his lips as he saw her form crumpled on the ground. She looked so helpless…so frail…

A swift anger overtook him. Whoever did this to her…they would pay. 

Kneeling down, he took her hand in his own and rolled her over onto her back. 

He was taken aback by her face; instead of the placid expression that came with sleep, her eyebrows were drawn to the center of her face, taut with pain. 

But when his shadow passed over her face, her eyes flew open. "Sango!" He exclaimed happily, extending a hand to help her up.

But she shoved him away with a growl, glaring at him. 

"I told you the next time we met, I would kill you." 

Before he knew what was happening, a giant boomerang was hurled at his head, but he dodged it. 

"Sango! Stop this!" He yelled. 

"Kohaku!" She yelled, and in a second the boy was running towards him, sickle swinging madly. 

"Kuso!" He swore under his breath as the tip of the weapon sliced through his robes. 

He glanced around haphazardly. Gods, there was no chance of winning. Two versus one, and both of them charged with a superpowered rage. 

But…

"Sango! I can't leave you! It's me, Miroku! Don't you remember?" Kohaku aimed for another blow, but Miroku easily shoved him away. 

She drew back, hirakotsu in hand, and stared at him. A faint hope blossomed inside him. Maybe, somewhere deep down inside her, she could hear him. Maybe somewhere inside, she would fight. 

"H…ho…u…shi…sama?" 

She dropped Hirakotsu and looked at him. 

"Sango!" Never in all his years of living had he been happier to hear those two words on her lips. 

He rushed up to her, ready to scoop her up into his arms and kiss her, but suddenly he was kissing the dirt instead. 

The blow from behind had been hard, aiming straight for his back. 

Hot redness, filling his eyes. Dammit! He _was_ going to do this, even if it was the last thing he did. 

Scuttling upwards, he stood up and felt his head veering. Blood loss….sang a voice in his head. His wound from the day before had reopened, and he saw the ground below him becoming damp from his own blood. 

His eyes flew to locate Sango, but instead drew in a sight that appalled him. Youkai surrounding them. Hundreds, millions. Their numbers were boundless. 

He felt his hand reaching for the rosary beads but stopped. Right in their midst was Sango. 

_What am I going to do now? _He thought in desperation. The boy was slowly approaching him from behind with that godforsaken sickle. And if he ran, he was fairly sure they would follow. 

Then, he suddenly heard his savior…

"Kaze no Kizu!!!" Screamed a voice behind him, and the youkai evaporated like water on a hot day. 

"Inuyasha!" He yelled, surprised by the amount of vigor his voice held, when he so clearly felt like shit, for lack of a better word. 

His wounds throbbed, and from where he was standing, everything seemed to happen from very far away. 

Inuyasha rushed in to where Sango had been, and in a moment he saw him scoop up her motionless body. 

Stillness, so much stillness. That warrior goddess silenced by a single blow, made helpless in the swing of a sword. 

"Inuyasha!" He screamed, "What did you do to Sango?" 

But the hanyou didn't respond. He just walked in a perfectly straight path right towards where Miroku was standing and quietly set her down on the ground. 

Kagome, Shippou, and Kirara rushed in and they all crowded around her. Miroku closed his eyes briefly and prayed to the gods for strength. Then he leaned down and put his ear over her heart. 

The silence that hung over them was nearly unbearable. It was all silence, all silence…

BWA HA HA HA. *coughs to cover it up* I couldn't help myself! I'm just so evil! =)  Originally it wasn't gonna be a cliffie but then the bright idea hit me ^^ 

I have the next section written already, as I thought it would also be included in this chapter. So I don't think it'll be too long till the next one is posted! Take care!

x~Aurora chan 


	6. Remember::

I'm glad I finally got my butt working on a chapter this time! Whee! As I was reading, I realized something kinda funny….Inuyasha has like two lines throughout the whole story….kinda ironic…because it is an _Inuyasha _story. Heh. Anyways. Have fun! 

Kagome glanced into the dim, firelit room. After her eyes adjusted, she saw exactly the same scene she had witnessed hours before. 

Miroku, still sitting hunched over Sango's sleeping form. As the image sharpened further, she noticed the expression on his face- the pure, raw agony she'd seen there earlier had been pushed away by sheer and utter exhaustion. 

His devotion touched her, though. She knew that he was in a lot of pain and it had drained his strength, but he still kept a constant vigil over Sango. 

Quietly stepping into the room, she whispered, "Miroku, you should rest. You look tired."

His eyes shifted from Sango's face to hers, and she noticed the bags under his eyes. 

"I am fine, Kagome. I will be fine."

"But it's been nearly a day, Miroku! You need to keep your health up too, you know."

"I do not care about myself."

Kagome, looking at him then, believed it. His whole right arm was nearly faded away, and she could see the blazing fire through him. 

"Okay, then. All right." 

She heard him mumble something as she turned around to leave. 

"What was that?" she asked. 

"I made a promise to myself. After she left, I told myself that I would never let her slip away again. I have to do everything to prevent it. You must understand."

She picture herself in a similar situation with Inuyasha. "Wakateru." She turned around and left the room. 

Inuyasha was waiting outside. "Well?" He asked. 

She shook her head. "Miroku's been keeping a constant watch on her. I'm worried about him…about both of them. He's so devoted to her…I think it's sweet."

Inuyasha made a disgruntled noise. "Who would have thought anyone would ever use that word to describe Miroku, the delinquent houshi?"

She smiled a little, a tentative act in the cloud of grimness. "He really does love her. If only she could have seen him now."

When she went back into the room early the next morning, the fire had gone out, and the room was chilled. On the floor were two figures- Sango, lying placidly and almost ghostlike in the same position, and Miroku, fast asleep next to her. He'd curled up next to her and one of his arms was draped protectively around her 

shoulders. 

So it finally caught up to him, she thought, smiling. 

Grabbing a blanket, she covered it over them and re-lit the fire. Then she left the room so they could sleep. 

When Miroku awoke the next day, he felt better-physically at least. Suddenly the past few days' events washed over him, and he once again buried his head under the blankets. It wasn't a nightmare, then. It had all been real….

But at least she was alive. Yesterday-or had it been two days ago?- when he'd laid his ear to her heart, hoping to hear something, anything, he'd been met with silence. 

He didn't know what had happened. After that, the world became fuzzy, and the hellish nightmare images he saw with his eyes and inside his head had blurred together to become one melted torrent of blackness. 

When Miroku awoke hours later,  he was lying down on a straw floor, and slowly the room came into focus- he was at Kaede bachan's house. 

"Where's Sango?" He'd asked, but hands pushed him down, explaining slowly, as if he were a child, the situation. She's resting peacefully, they told him. You needn't worry yourself at all. 

But their indifference made him angry, and he pushed past them all to Sango, who was lying spread out on the ground like a flower. And that was where he stayed, until…

He must have fallen asleep, then. Someone, maybe Kagome, had covered them with a blanket. Drawing in a long, shuddery breath, he faced Sango once again.

Looking at her made him hurt inside. Knowing that this beautiful warrior was now reduced to a mere patient, relying on others, made him queasy. 

He yawned, stretched, and sat up, his eyes flying to her face the second they opened. 

Her eyes were shut, but suddenly he heard a small sound, something in the back of her throat. Moaning. 

Instant terror filled him-was she in pain? Was she about to wake up? He didn't want to admit it, but the thought of her awakening induced as much fear in him as her dying. 

When she woke up, things would continue to commence at the ugly pace they'd been going at before. 

Just thinking about it made him writhe inside with discomfort, but strangely, the sight of Sango's eyes regarding him brought a strange calmness that quelled him inside. 

Wait…..

_Sango's eyes?___

"Sango!" He cried, his voice sounding too loud in the tiny room. He reached foreword and touched her butt just to make sure she was really awake. 

The effect was immediate, but it wasn't the one he'd been hoping for. Instead of slapping his hand away or whacking him over the head, she leapt up and shot away from him as if he'd pressed a chunk of hot coal to her face. 

"Get away from me…don't touch me," she whispered. But it wasn't a whisper of fury. Her voice was taut with fear, something he'd never heard in Sango's voice before. 

"Sango….doushite?"

She didn't respond; her eyes were searching frantically for an exit

He stood up and began to advance towards her. "Come on, you can tell me. But maybe you'd better lie down first. And with me, if possible."

Miroku had never considered himself to be menacing but….as he stepped towards her she screamed. Loudly. 

"Stay away from me, you creep!!!"

Miroku was too busy marveling at the loss of his eardrums to notice Kagome and Inuyasha rushing into the room. 

"What are you doing to Sango?" Demanded Kagome. He looked at her. 

"I merely….touched her...but I would think she would be used to it by now."

They all turned to face Sango, who was looking more and more like a trapped kitten by the second. 

Kagome, smiling, approached her. "I'm sure that you don't feel quite like yourself, Sango chan, but with a little more rest you're sure to be- "

But Sango cut her off with three little words that silenced the entire room. "Who areyou?"

  


The six of them sat in a small circle around Kaede bachan's fire pit. Inuyasha, his face looking as gruff as ever, looked angry that Sango was inconveniencing them in their journey. Kagome, her eyebrows drawn tightly together in worry, was nibbling on her pinkie finger nail. Shippou, sniffling slightly. Kaede bachan herself, who had a grim expression on her face. 

And then there was Sango, whose eyes darted worriedly from face to face, searching for signs of recognition. 

Miroku's eyes were downcast. He couldn't look up. If he looked up, he would see Sango's perplexed expression, and that would make it real. So instead he looked at the dirt. 

"She's lost her memory, then." Kagome repeated Kaede bachan's last statement in a dull tone. 

"Hai, and it was because she was being controlled by a Shikon no Kakera, as her brother was. But when he was free from Naraku's control, he couldn't remember her…or anything about his old life."

_Old life…._

Sango-for that _was _her name, right? At least, that was what they had been calling her. This girl had an old life with all these people who obviously cared about this girl Sango. 

But she had no idea who she was supposed to be. 

It was all so utterly terrifying to have no idea who she was. There were many things she could run away from, but this wasn't one of them. People can't run from their own minds, she thought. I'm stuck. 

"So when will she regain her memory?" Butted in Shippou. 

They all looked first at him, then focused their gazes on Kaede bachan. She looked from face to face, finally resting on the blank stare that the taiji-ya emitted. 

For a moment she sat in silence, just looking at all the young faces around her, waiting tensely for an answer, hopeful but at the same time dreading it. Telling the truth would be just as terrible as keeping it hidden. 

"…She may not." 

For a moment her voice wavered in the silence. Protests rose inside Miroku, but he struggled to force them down. There was no use arguing when it wouldn't get him anywhere. Instead, he stood up and exited the room. 

"Come get me if you need me. I'll be out in the woods."

The footsteps were soft, forced silence, but he heard them anyways. Instead of turning around, he let the person approach. They sounded unfamiliar, but at the same time he knew the bearer of them was friendly. 

"Ano…"

"Yes?" Miroku asked tersely. 

She-for he'd determined from their careful placement on the soil that it was a she-walked past him and sat down. 

"Kagome sama?" 

Her eyes were only sad. 

"I was just checking…to see if you were okay." He looked up and saw her eyes resting on him, holding pity. 

"Let's go back now, okay, Miroku?" She held out a hand, and he took it. As they started walking back together, he realized her fingers were lingering in his loosely. His first instinct was to drop her hand, but something inside him wouldn't let him. 

Then he realized-he needed someone, a friend. 

"Just hang in there," she was saying, and he was met with a smile. Then she gave his hand one final squeeze and dropped it.

Sango sat alone in the room that she'd awoken to. It had been two days since she'd awoken, and Inside, she felt dead. The deeper she tried to dig, the more solid rocks she hit. She struggled to match her capture fragments of each event thus far to something in her past, but every time she came up with a total blank. 

It was as if there was a solid wall protecting her from her memories that she knew were there. 

At least….she hoped they were there. 

But dammit! She knew it wasn't a lie because this proof was all around her, almost as if tantalizing her. It seemed that if she could only reach out and grasp it, she might be able to remember something, anything. 

The room was too silent. It was like having a one-sided conversation with someone- it was only her and her mind, and her mind wasn't telling her a single thing. 

She stood up to leave, her intention to seek out one of the people-maybe the girl with the kind face would tell her who she was supposed to be, where she was, and what in the world was going on. 

She was staring at the floor when she exited the room, and as she took a step outside she ran directly into a man. 

Quickly she looked up and saw that it was that lecher, the one that looked like a houshi. But he _couldn't _be a houshi, could he? Houshis didn't grope girls. 

"Gomennasai," she mumbled, wanting to escape him as quickly as possible. He wasn't dangerous, she knew that now. But she didn't want to have to deal with his antics anymore. 

"Sango, matte," he said, and after a second of thought she turned around. Yes, Sango. Her. 

"Hai?" What did he want _now? _

"Do you need anything? Food? Water, maybe? I could get it for you if you want." 

"It's all right." She said, turning away again. 

Sango didn't know what made her turn back, but she did.  Though the expression on his face was fleeting, she caught a glimpse of it. 

It was mostly in his eyes, because his mouth was still in the same straight, set line. But his eyes were so incredibly sad, vibrating with a strange sort of agony. 

However, the moment he caught her gaze, the look was gone. 

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hai," he said, eyes resting on her patiently. 

"Can you tell me who I am?"

And as those words passed over her lips, she saw a tremor pass through his face. He struggled to keep the calm, peaceful expression on his face that was almost always present, but a heartbroken expression fought for control. 

As she watched him, she thought, _this man must have cared a lot about this…Sango. About me. But she could barely make an assumption, so she banished the thought. _

"You're Sango. You're a warrior, you're passionate. You're kind and sweet and you fight with honor," He replied, his voice dwindling near the end of the statement. _You are. _

She _is_, he thought, she _is_. Not _was. Never __was. He _would _get Sango back, no matter what it took. _

Kaede bachan had told him that certain things might trigger memories, and so he would do everything he possibly could to get Sango back. 

In the meantime….it just hurt. 

"Who are you?" She continued, tilting her head in a way Miroku found appealingly cute. 

"I'm Miroku."

"Miroku…"she repeated.

 And though his name was the word he'd longed to hear uttered out of her mouth, it made him feel worse. 

Her eyes flew open, and she watched the last gory image from her dream fading away into the straw blackness of the ceiling. 

For a moment Sango struggled to control her racing heart, and though the image was fast-fading,  her body still trembled with fear. 

But one word stuck out in her mind. "Ko…Kohaku…." 

"Sango?" 

The whisper slid through the darkness, making her jump, despite its smoothness. Instantly she recognized it-it was the houshi-look-alike. After their short talk this afternoon, she hadn't said any more to him. 

"Are you _always _around?" She asked, still staring at the wall. 

He laughed, a soft sound in the darkness. For some reason, it made goose bumps erupt on her skin.

"I _am _a houshi, after all. I have amazing powers of perception."

She turned around to face him and saw his form faintly illuminated in the room. 

"You're not a houshi."

"I am a houshi."

"But…but houshis don't grope girls!" 

"I do."

That silenced her, because there was no arguing with _that._

"Well…well…why are you such a pervert?"

He got up and sat down next to her, uncomfortably close.

"Because I love girls." Suddenly she felt something on her chest and she saw his hand resting on it decidedly. 

Sango blushed and jerked away. "Don't touch me," she said, standing up. "I don't know who you are, but I don't know how this _Sango tolerated you for so long."_

Sango didn't know _what _to think at this point. Here was this man who had obviously been a friend of hers sometime, but she knew nothing more of him other than he was a fairly good-looking hentai houshi. 

"But I still don't believe you're a houshi," she countered under her breath.

Miroku stood up, too, and she realized she had been standing but not planning on going anywhere, but simply glowering in the indignance of his impertinent  manner. 

His flirtatious expression had been replaced with a serious one. 

"Sango, may I ask of you something?"

_What's with this guy? _She thought, _his moods are so erratic… _

"I might have made a….distinctly undesirable first impression on you, Sango. But that also happened a long time ago, when we first met. You learned to see past it 

after a while. So please…could you just…trust me? I only wish to protect you."

Her sharp gaze softened a little, but her walls still stayed up. "Why should I trust you?" She asked suspiciously, "What if I trust you, and then the next thing I know you wanna get me in bed?"

He stared at her incredulously for a moment before a smile pulled the corners of his mouth up a bit, as much as he tried to resist it. "Have you ever heard of a houshi's promise?"

She shook her head. 

"When you become a houshi, you must always keep your promises. It's something we're known for."

"And?"

"I promise not to try any of that, Sango." And then he was smiling again.

Sango blinked. Suddenly, deep down, that smile echoed, in a place that was blackness filled with shades of grey. And along with the familiarity of the situation came a rushing emotion- for a second, her heart thrummed happily before settling down as the flash passed. 

"Sango? Doushite?" Miroku was alarmed by the sudden pallor her face had taken on. 

"Nani mo…" She sat back down on the futon, and the houshi-what was his name again? oh yes, Miroku- joined her. 

"Can I ask _you _something now?" 

"Hai," He replied, sitting back expectantly. Before she opened her mouth, she marveled at the way the shadow chiseled one side of his face, making it look all the more attractive. _Stop it! She yelled at herself, __you know nothing of this man! _

But yet, at the same time, she felt only good vibes emitting from him. Something inside told her he was honestly a good person underneath all his lecherous habits. Taking a deep breath, she asked, "Did you like….well…what I'm trying to say is….were you in….did you care for this girl Sango?" It felt strange to refer to herself as "this girl, Sango," but it seemed too strange to attach her old name to herself now…when she was definitely nothing like Sango had been. 

"Sango…" He eyes changed suddenly into that sad, despairing expression again that hurt something deep inside her. "Yes…I cared about her more than I ever had about anyone before," he replied frankly, "That is why I just want you to trust me, because I'll always be here."

"Arigatou," she said softly, "I'm getting a little bit sleepy now. Let's go back to sleep."

"Together?" He asked brightly, and she only smiled.

 "Maybe later," she replied flirtatiously, but he had already returned to his own bed. 

His head was unadulterated by any smarting lumps after that comment, and even though he didn't want to admit it….he missed it. Sango would never have said something like that…but it seemed like the Sango he once knew was hiding, or worst of all…gone. 

Awwww ;_; writing this chapter made me sad! I'm really getting into writing this now, so I think I'll go start the next chapter right now ^-^  I love reviews! *hint hint*

x~Aurora chan 


	7. Walls::

Ahh!!! It's been almost two months since I've updated?! *melts into a little puddle* if you're still reading this, I think you so much for your patience! I doubt I have any readers left, though, from my severe negligence of this poor story….so if you're still reading, I love you ^_^  

I realized I had to finish it when we went to an anime convention and I went to an Inuyasha panel…I'm like "noooooooo, my storyyyyy!" so I got my butt rolling. It's been so busy with school and everything…blasted school! 

I just got a review of the last chapter recently and it reminded me to update! (I had the chap finished, but I forgot to upload it -.-;;;) So…enjoy! 

The next morning felt familiar. When she opened her eyes and saw the sunlight streaming in, Sango felt a tug. As if some memory of her past was pulling her towards it, trying to force her to remember. 

Letting herself go, Sango sank deeper into the memory. Outside, the voices of many children. The smells of breakfast cooking and crackling one room away. Someone calling her name…

"Sango chan!" 

Reality broke through the memory, and she shook it away as the last remnant of sleep. 

The girl with the strange clothing entered the room then. 

"Are you up yet, Sango?"

"H…Hai." Sango sat up and looked about her warily. The monk was nowhere in sight, but the boy with those ridiculous ears hovered in the doorway. 

What a strange group of people. 

But then, am I any different? She asked herself. Now added to the fun is someone who has no idea who she is and where she comes from. 

"Come on, then. It's time for breakfast." 

Rubbing her eyes one last time, she followed the girl off towards the next room. 

The topic of conversation during breakfast, though they tried dancing around the subject, focused solely on Sango. All the attention was making her a little bit timid, and she blushed every time another question was directed at her. 

"Sango? Do you remember me?" A small boy who looked like a cross between a human and a fox leapt up on the table, staring at her expectantly. 

She really shouldn't have been surprised by that time, but she still let out a little shriek of alarm when he materialized out of practically nowhere. 

"Of course not, dummy. She lost her memory," Piped up the boy with the ears. 

"Well I didn't know," whined the little fox. 

"Excuse me," Sango said, interrupting the budding fight, "But what are your names? I only know his name," she nodded at Miroku, who was staring out into space with a faraway expression on his face. 

"I'm Shippou!" Chirped the fox. Sango wanted to think of a polite way to ask what he was but couldn't. 

"I'm Kagome," said the girl wearing the strange clothes. She nudged the boy with the ears. 

"Introduce yourself!" She hissed. 

Inuyasha just snorted. 

"I'll use the 'o' word," she said threateningly. 

Sango merely tilted her head and watched this display of animosity. The boy made a wild variety of ugly faces at the girl and the girl screamed at him. 

"OSUWARI!" She shrieked, and to Sango's surprise, he smashed to the ground, demolishing the floor underneath. 

She simply stared for a moment, and then, as the boy lifted his head off the ground with a murderous look, she couldn't help herself-she burst out laughing. 

"I'm-I'm sorry," she managed between giggles, seeing the evil glare turn on her, "It's just that the look on your face-it was so funny…"

When her laughter dwindled, she was aware of something strange-everyone had fallen silent and was staring at her as if she'd done something…wrong. 

"N…nani?" Sango asked quickly, eyes flying from one face to the next. On Miroku's face, there was a small smile. 

"That's the first time I've heard you laugh in ages," he said softly, quiet enough so the others wouldn't hear. 

"What do you…?"

"Never mind. It's nothing," he said shortly. 

Kagome forced her eyes away from Sango's face and towards Inuyasha as she became aware of Sango's embarrassment. 

The rest of breakfast continued without further event-the boy with the ears sat up, the girl finished eating, and Miroku stared out into space.

When the meal was over, the group dissipated. Kagome glanced at her worriedly, and then back at Miroku. "You can go," she said with a wave of her hand. 

Miroku shook his head. "You go, I'll stay."

Kagome looked like she might refuse, but when she saw the expression on Miroku's face, she relented, and walked out of the room. "Tell me if you need anything, Sango."

So she was left facing Miroku, once again unsure of what to do or say. "Are you guys taking turns babysitting me?" She asked dryly.

At this he only smiled. "Come on, we have a lot of work to do." And before she knew what was happening, he had seized her hand and pulled her out of the room.

At the touch of his hand, she felt an odd tug again, something trying to pull off the sheet from her memory. It was as if there was a curtain there, but she could only see vague outlines-a hand there, an arm here. 

It was all so familiar, so frustratingly so that she had to stop. The warm feel of his hand, the strange sensation of the rosary beads slipping through their fingers, his strong with a masculine thickness, and hers thin, too thin, and most of all, the sensual tingling rushing up her arm.   
  


"What's wrong?" Miroku asked, seeming far away. He thought that the touch of their hands had offended her-after all, to her, he barely knew her, and he'd felt her hand twitch involuntarily when they first touched. 

She looked at him, and he was a part of her far away, unreachable memory, something from the past. 

"It's…I just suddenly felt like you've done that before, when you really haven't…"

For a long while he just looked at her, and even though it was only a few short seconds it seemed so much longer.

His gaze made her uncomfortable, and she shifted under the scrutiny of those blue-grey eyes. 

"Umm…Was it…from before?" 

A slight nod. 

When she opened her mouth to respond, she was interrupted by a tiny cream colored animal rushing before them, and, upon seeing her, scurrying up to her and fluttering excitedly around her ankles. 

Sango bent down and held her finger out, and the animal-it appeared to be a cat-sniffed it tentatively. 

It looked at her uncertainly and its face almost looked confused.

"It really is Sango," Miroku assured it, and, convinced, the little cat jumped onto her lap and closed its eyes. 

"It's so cute," she said, stroking it, "What is it?"

He knelt down next to her and gave Kirara a little pat on the head.

"She's a cat youkai. She can change forms when she's in battle, and she flies. Your pet, Kirara."

Sango looked at Kirara with another hint of incredulous. Here was this animal that was still hers, still knew it was she, yet it was only another piece of her old life. It was incredible to her that her old life had been so complex, how many holes she would have left in her absence. 

"Oi, Sango. We must go and continue our walk."

"Walk?"

"Down memory lane," he said, grinning at the stupid cliché he'd picked up from Kagome. 

"Alright," she replied uncertainly, and the two of them continued down the temple hallway.

"Where are Kagome and Inu…Inu…"

"Inuyasha," he said, then added, "I don't know. It doesn't really matter, does it?"

She shrugged, desperate for an escape from this singular company. Although he was acting more positive than yesterday, he was still a pervert, and there was something about him that was mysterious, something that both intrigued and frightened her. So, for some reason, she felt herself following him. 

"Here we are, in the main hallway. Does this look familiar to you?" He was holding what looked like a giant weapon of some sort. Sango shook her head helplessly; this was all completely new to her. 

Miroku sighed, but he didn't look like he was anywhere near giving up. Sango felt slightly guilty. 

"I'm sorry," she said, but he only shook his head. 

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault, nowhere near your fault." She felt a slight temptation to ask whose fault it was, but his averted eyes told her to do otherwise. 

"Let's continue on, then." The rest of the afternoon commenced in the same fashion. He would present to her some new object, ask her if she remembered it, she would shake her head, they would move on.

Sango, after having spent the entire day with Miroku, found him to be strangely aggravating. She barraged him with a fusillade of questions, but he refused to answer any of them.

As if……he was hiding something. 

She resolved to ask Kagome about it later. 

They had dinner that night outside under the stars. It was slightly chilly, but Kagome had insisted upon it.

Inuyasha slinked about, finally climbing the tree and leaving the rest of them sitting on a blanket. 

Sango ate silently, observing her companions-she didn't trust any of them enough to call them friends, even Miroku- so she could learn as much as possible about them.

Kagome was shivering softly, but she tried to cover it up by sliding into a shadow. Suddenly, from above, Inuyasha dropped his haori on her head. 

"Wear this," he said bluntly, muttering something under his breath about "damn humans who can't keep their own body heat."

Sango decided they must be in love-had to be, or else they wouldn't act like this, even Inuyasha with his false gruffness. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Miroku staring at her. 

"Cold?"

She shook her head, and he turned back to his meal. It had never occurred to her that he might have been in love with her, too. It didn't occur to her now. 

Late night. Sango had been asleep for hours, but awoke suddenly nearly suffocating on a feeling of ill-being.

A nightmare, she'd been having a nightmare, but the pieces remained like her so-called memory; fragments of a nothingness.

The voices she heard ringing in her ears than were not of her dreams, but of real life people.

They were not in this room; she looked over at the sleeping pallets next to her and found them empty. 

Still half-asleep, Sango shuffled out of the room and down the hallway, following the voices.

"-still think I would be better to handle this." Kagome's voice, then a pause. 

"I do not care. I do not care what you think."

Kagome's voice again, sounding aggravated, "Just stop the foolishness, Miroku. Give it up."

"No," he said softly, "I won't. This is all my fault that any of this happened in the first place."

"You don't have to do penance," Kagome protested, "You don't have to force yourself to hurt all the time."

"But I _want_ to do it. I want to help her. Being around her just makes me happy."

"But it also makes you hurt." 

Miroku remained silent as her lucid remark hit it spot. 

"I know you don't like it that Inuyasha feels responsible for Kikyou," he said slowly, knowing the harshness of the comment, "But don't prevent me from seeing Sango, or 

I shall have to override your wishes."

"Shut up," she said tersely, her voice no longer patient and wise, but more ragged. Sango thought she also heard the hint of tears. 

Who was Kikyou? Sango sensed something about these people, something that showed some terrible secret. Secrets that she wasn't sure she wanted unveiled. She had been amongst this group before, meaning that she, too, had a horrible secret?

"I don't want her to remember, though. Don' t you think it would be better for her?"

"No!" Miroku's voice cut, startling Kagome. 

"It's true that she wanted to forget. She wanted to forget so badly at times that she cried at night when she thought no one was listening. She acts tough, but I know underneath, she was hurting. But she has forgotten completely about her brother, who she loved. And us......she and I……I would not mind if she forgot about me, but I am in this too deep now to back out. I must care for her in the short time before I die. It might even be better this way for both of us."

"Miroku sama…" Kagome, overwhelmed, let her tears spill over. 

Miroku did nothing, just stared at her with a sad expression on his face. 

"This just isn't fair that any of this had to happen," she said, voice choking on sobs. "If only we could all stop hurting all the time."

Sango, though monstrously fascinated by this raw angst in front of her, felt it was time to return to her bed. 

When she lay down, she could still hear the muffled whisperings of weeping in the other room.  But sleep evaded her the rest of the night, even after Miroku and Kagome silently returned to their beds almost an hour later. 

What horrible secret did they all keep from her? It filled her with anger to think that they were consciously hiding something of her past that she had the right to know. And what about Miroku? 

He was going to die soon? 

She longed for the morning to come. 

Um…yep.

I dunno when the next chapter will be…I've written quite a bit more after after this, but it's for the very ending..gotta fill in the gaps ^_^ But count on a few more chapters, two or three more. Okay. Um. Review if you love it! 

x~Aurora chan


	8. Return::

Wheee, I finally managed to write the chapter, and in a shorter time than the last one! *proud of herself* Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I thought there'd be no one left after such an extremely long wait. All I have to say is school is evil =(   Enjoy! 

They acted so blatantly normal the next day that she thought the night before must have been a dream. 

Kagome smiling, Miroku calmly sly. She decided she had to have been asleep when all that had happened, but her belief shattered, when, as Miroku was ushering her out the door, Kagome whispered, "take good care of her, then."

But how could it be? How could this kind, energetic…handsome…person be dying?

The word "dying." It was murky, uncertain, always bring forth the smell of dying flowers and darkness; never the assurance of hope. She associated none of this with him. 

"Miroku sama?" 

He turned to her, a pained expression flickering across his features before his "nani?" He knew she'd seen it, but both of them pretended he didn't. 

"How old are you?"

"Why…why do you ask?"

"I'm only wondering."

"Ninteen."

Sango quickly turned so he would not see the expression on her face. Ninteen. _Ninteen__._ She longed to ask him what why…what was happening to him, but she didn't want him to force him to tell her. Not if he didn't want to.

_After all_, she thought as she followed him, _I barely know you._

But the nightmares still came at night…always the same nightmare.  They forced their way through her subconscious, leering in the background of even the happiest moments. She thought that, in spite of everything, she could continue to live the life of a naïve little child, ignoring everything that she knew was the truth. But there were times, like now, when the horrors manifested themselves brutally before her eyes, and stuck there.

And finally came the day when Sango could call him a friend. It was that day, at that very instant, when the realization came to her. 

They were sitting on the temple steps. Inside, she could hear dinner simmering, and her stomach rumbled. 

Miroku was busily distracted by her presence, as he usually was when they were together.  Instead of letting his guard down, he had to be on his best behavior. Or else his instinct might just take over and he'd grope her, and then she would slap him, and the trust he'd worked so hard to build would shatter. But…damn! He could barely stand to be around her…and her soft hair…her trusting eyes…her…stop! He lectured himself. 

Over the pat few weeks of getting to know this new Sango, he found that he loved her. It was still Sango, after all. But still…somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he may have simply been lying to himself, turning his head the other way from what was true. Somewhere behind his eyes, his heart still ached for the old Sango.  

It took him a moment to realize that she was talking. "Miroku…?"

Miroku still wasn't used to hearing his name spoken from her lips like that. 

"Hai?"

"I've been…I've been having many…strange dreams," she said, twisting her apron in her lap. The fabric was mangled beyond recognition in a few more moments. 

"What kind of dreams?"

"Not dreams…nightmares. I've been having nightmares."

"Tell me about them," he said, desperately hoping she wouldn't say what he thought she would. 

"It's always the same dream…there is a little boy…his name is Kohaku…We're fighting…then I am watching him being killed, and then, I feel a sharp pain in my back…and then…I wake up."

Her eyes sought him, hoping he could provide her with the explanation she desired. 

"I see," Miroku said, dismayed.  As much as he'd wanted to hide it from her, it still did exist somewhere in her mind. 

"Demo…do you not know about them, then?"

An the inner conflict which had plagued him for weeks and weeks-tell her or not tell her- suddenly raged fiercely. Now was the time to decide, but he remained as irresolute as ever. 

"So you do know something," she said decidedly, seeing his hesitation. Her heart pounded suddenly and madly in her ears. Now was the moment of reckoning. 

Miroku glanced around, as if searching for help, but there was none to be found. 

"Can you finally tell me the truth?" She asked. Her voice was not demanding, but to Miroku her voice was suddenly prying, and even in its silence he felt her yearning to know. 

"I…" He finally managed to say. 

"I'm not stupid," she added, and this time their eyes met. 

"I know…but…I was only trying to help you," he finished, knowing then that there was no way of backing out. She knew that he was hiding something, and there was no denying it. 

"By lying to me?" Her voice, which had started out calmly, rose a pitch.

"Sango, don't get upset. It's only because I wanted to protect you," he protested weakly. Never had she seen Miroku look so flustered. In the back of her mind, she found that his embarrassment made him look almost….cute. But it didn't curb her anger a bit. 

"Protect me from the truth? From my past, from what I've been wanting to know in hopes that I could rebuild myself  somehow? All this time, you've been lying to me. I'm not a child, Miroku, and you don't have to treat me like one. "

Her words felt almost physical. His name, with no suffix, no title, said so harshly and plainly, rendered him perfectly still. For a moment, he thought he saw the old Sango in there somewhere, when her eyes flashed angrily. He thought she might hit him, but instead she spun on her heels and marching off in the opposite direction, her straight spine saying to him, _I hate you._

"Where are you going?" He demanded, his voice tight. 

"I'm getting away from you," she said adamantly, "If all you're going to do is waste time making up cute little stories for me and dancing around the truth, I'm not going to waste time. I'm just going to start over with a whole new identity."

And she meant it. He could sense the fierce warrior determination, even now. 

"I'll tell you!" He said desperately. He'd lost her once-no, twice, because when she lost her memory she had disappeared again. He wouldn't let it happen once more. 

She stopped, turning slowly around. "Will you now? How do I know you're not lying to me again?"

"Trust me," he said, the houshi's manner returning once more. 

Sango studied him again, then took a small step foreword. "And for some stupid, idiotic reason, I believe you."

He could have yelled for joy then, or perhaps rushed up to her and embraced her. But instead, he said, "Let's go for a walk."

Unbeknownst to the pair, Kagome and Inuyasha stood a little off to the side. 

"You remember when I said Sango was falling in love with Miroku a long time ago?" Kagome commented. 

"Yeah," Inuyasha said, "and who cares?"

"Well, I was right the first time, right?"

"Get to the point, woman!" He demanded, impatient with Kagome's little insights. 

"Well," she continued, purposely drawing her words out, watching Sango and Miroku walk away together, "I think she's falling in love with him all over again."

So he told her everything. He didn't hold back a bit, letting his voice remain passive throughout the entire gruesome tale. 

She listened silently without comment. Sango felt no connection to the unfortunate girl in the story, none. Had it not been for the boy in her dreams…Kohaku…she would have told him he was lying again and telling the story of someone totally different. 

But his sweet face…engraved in her mind. When he finished telling her, she said nothing. 

"Sango…?" He said, afraid that this revelation had hurt her. 

At this point, she didn't know how she should act. "I'm here," she said, but still not quite certain of that fact. 

He nodded and silently looked away. They were sitting on the top of a grassy bluff. 

Everything was strangely clear to her. Miroku was sitting little more than two inches from her, but now the distance seemed to make him uncomfortable. 

"There's something I still don't understand," she said slowly. Miroku looked at her- looked at her, but also looking as if he wanted to run away. 

"Why are you here? Who are you, anyways?" 

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. By that tiny action, she felt something inside her jump, strangely attracted to his every movement. But instead of waiting for her heart to flutter, she listened to its already quickened pulse, each thump one of sickening dread. 

"It is because I am cursed," he said in a voice heavy with solemnity. 

"Cu…cursed?"

Nodding, Miroku held his covered hand with the other. 

"Naraku cursed my grandfather. He passed this curse on to my father, who passed it to me. The only way I can rid myself of it is to kill Naraku."

"I see," Sango said, who only for the first time really was starting to see. 

"It is an air void in my hand," he continued flatly, "When I uncover it, it seals everything inside. Soon, by the looks of things, it will take me too. Soon I will die."

Sango's hand flew to cover her mouth, which had opened in a gasp. "Di…die?"  So, then, all this time, her misgivings had been true? And at that moment came a flash of desperation.

_Don't go, don't leave me!_ Screamed a voice inside her head. 

But outside, all was silent, and Sango let her voice remain as calm as his. 

"Yes, I will die soon," he said, matching her demeanor. It was a game, only a game, and losing would mean certain hysteria. They both had to remain balanced on that thin line of placidity or they would fall into its pits, never to return. 

Sango eyed his hand skeptically. "I just don't believe it, though," she said, trying to imagine a hole in his hand. 

But Miroku said something  surprising. "You don't have to believe in it," he said softly, "Sometimes, the only way of living with it is _not believing."_

Sango's heart nearly broke. She was so afraid that the tears would flow, and that was something that for some unknown reason could absolutely, positively not happen. She was certain of only that one thing. 

How could he speak so calmly of his own doom?  How, when the perfect, pure future full of hope and light was destroyed, shattered?  

Miroku kept his eyes on her the whole time, seemingly searching for a sign of inner torment. 

He saw nothing…did she even care?

"What will you do?" She asked in a voice filled with anguish. 

"I am going to take care of you," he responded, and Sango blushed-deeply. 

"But…but why?" She stammered, again painfully conscious of their nearness. 

"It was my entire fault in the first place," he said, "And besides, I would do it anyways."

And she knew then that she was right, and that she didn't need to make him talk any more. It was obvious. She could see it in his eyes, in the way he moved his hands, in the quick sideways glances he shot in her direction when he thought she wasn't looking. He loved her. 

Her hand moved slowly, as if compelled by some invisible force. And as Miroku felt the soft touch of her hand on his, he was startled, and thought it was a mistake. 

But as her fingers hovered over his, he moved his hand into hers until their fingers were interlocked. As Miroku felt how tightly she held him, how her fingers trembled slightly, she knew she was afraid. For her, for him. For both of them. 

Miroku suddenly felt exhausted. This whole ordeal of explaining everything to her had drained him of all his remaining strength that remained after nights of lying awake, pondering his next action. 

The grass behind them was soft and inviting, so he let himself fall back into its bed, pulling Sango's arm. 

She felt the tug on her arm and turned. Miroku looked at her lazily from behind her, his expression warm. She felt his heart tugging, too, telling her to come. So she did. 

They were in another world, a floating, warm place surrounded by their throbbing hearts. At the same time, though, there was an underling, rushing desperate fear. And as Sango felt their arms touching, she wanted him to let her go. But at the same time, her heart ached for more and more of his touch. 

Miroku knew then that he had to accept it. He didn't want to think about it, but it was true, it was coming true. Sango would probably never come back, and when he died her old self  would remain silent. 

But yet Miroku felt himself playing the same idiot game again, the same one that had played before. Saying that she couldn't let himself love her, he let himself flirt with other girls. 

But the hurt on her face, the same hurt that had been there before. Only this time, there was no anger, only a bewildered curiosity. He couldn't even look her in the eye. 

_But I thought you cared about me,_ her eyes said to him, _what, then are you doing? _

It was all pointless, but he was trapped now in the stupid circle of fate, and he couldn't make himself stop. 

He knew the time was coming soon. He could feel himself fading from the inside, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. 

There were only days left, a week at most. Sango didn't know; no one did. One day he would just simply cease to exist. 

He was not afraid. His whole life, he'd known that this day was coming. Now there was only a calm acceptance. The only feeling he felt was that of extreme remorse. If only…if only he hadn't made the mistake of pushing Sango away back then. Dying would almost be a relief now…he wouldn't have to think about it any longer. 

But one day, a day like any other, the unexpected happened. 

They were still at the temple. They had gone nowhere in the hope that Sango would recover her memory, but this wasn't a spoken resolution. It was merely something they all had tucked away in the corners of their minds, but this hope was fast fading 

A girl came to pray for her brother. As she was leaving, Miroku caught her eye. 

"I've never seen you around here. Are you new in town?"

"Ah, hai, I am. We just moved here a week ago."

Miroku smiled and nodded and began to speak to her intently. And in the shadows, Sango watched. 

Something was stirring. A feeling…unlike what she'd felt before. She didn't know where it had come from. It was not the quiet hurt. It was…anger. Burning anger, violent anger. Throbbing and leaping inside of her, pushing out, possessing her. It made her want to rush over and scream at him, slap him, maul him. 

So she did. 

The girl leapt away in surprise as Sango blazed over to him and struck his face so hard that it began to bruise instantly. And as she saw his face cloud over in disorientation, she saw other things. Times before when he'd smiled as she slapped him, times when she'd cried, when he'd groped her. He flirting with other girls, she shedding silent tears over him. But they were from long ago. 

She felt pain, anguish. And then she saw the face of her brother. 

As if the murkiness around her suddenly cleared, the water became pure again, and she saw everything, and knew again her name, and who she was.

She remembered. 

The girl had disappeared, and only Miroku remained, ogling at her. 

"Sango? What are you doing?" 

For a moment she just glared at him. "Houshi sama, I can't believe you're such a shameless flirt even after all this." 

The first thing Miroku noticed was the "houshi sama." That faint hope appeared again, whispering persistently. Could it possibly be…? 

"What do you mean?"

"I remember. I remember _everything_" 

He didn't believe it. It couldn't be true, it couldn't be happening.

 But it was. 

The girl before him was the girl he'd fallen for long ago, the one he'd vowed to protect with his life. The one who remembered everything, all the pain, the sorrow, but also all the laughter. 

"You remember!" He exclaimed, and was more excited then he ever allowed himself to be. He seized her in a hug and held her there for as long as he dared. 

"What's come over you?" She asked, pulling away. 

"You're back," he said simply, "After all this time, after I thought you would never return. You're back." 

Stay tuned for the final chapter! I'll put it up this week sometime 'cuz I already have it mostly finished ^^ 

x~Aurora 


	9. Future::

Hiyoooo! *waves* happy belated big dead bird day! ^_^ I've gotten the chapter up within the week, just like I promised! *proud of herself for doing this* this is the last chapter *cries* but have fun anyways! This chapter is all about…"THE MOMENT" 

After the day's events, sleep evaded her. The thoughts of what had happened and what she had done pestered her to no end.

Kagome, though reluctantly, had filled her in on the events of the past few weeks. It was Kagome, though, so she knew it was sugarcoated. She couldn't stand to hurt someone, even in an indirect way.

So she was left to rely on herself. She groped for a memory, a conscious realization that she had _chosen_ to lose herself to Naraku, to attack Miroku, so she had something to blame it on…but only her empty mind greeted her. And with Miroku…she glanced over at his sleeping form a few feet away. 

Kagome had told her earlier that he hadn't slept a full night since she'd returned. "He was too busy worrying about you," she said, "he hardly slept at all." That gesture touched her strangely. 

She was slightly miffed at Kagome and the others for leaving her in a room with this pervert. He insisted that he wanted to watch over her when he was sleeping, and had promised not to try anything…

"…but promises are cheap," she muttered to herself. There wasn't a single positive emotion present in her soul. She felt guilt, remorse, fright, anger, anxiety, depression, and panic all at once. 

"God," she crawled off of her futon and in front of the sleeping houshi. "Damn. It. I hate it all. Everything. The people I care about always leaving me alone. _Always," she finished fiercely. Was she angry? Angry at Miroku? _

Oh, terrific, she thought sarcastically, there's another fun filled feeling to add to my repertoire. On top of it all, she was angry at him, too. 

The sudden heat gathering behind her eyes and burning in her nose surprised her. 

She'd never been able to communicate her sadness onto her face like most people; rather, she sat alone in a dark, small bundle of misery.

Sango welcomed the tears and let them rush down her face in hot rivers, cooling themselves by the time they reached her chin. She did not bother to wipe them away in the blaze of her sobbing. 

Suddenly, a stirring beside her made her froze. She'd forgotten what a light sleeper he was. 

"Sango?" Miroku mumbled sleepily, rubbing one eye with his hand. "what are you…" 

"Don't look at me," she snapped, turning her face away from him and hiding in the shadows. 

"Are you crying?" 

"Why would I be—" she was betrayed by a sudden hiccough, but continued speaking anyways, "would I be crying?" She tried to make her voice sound impermeable, but he could see right through her. 

"You are crying."

"I am not." She shuffled over to her futon and sprawled onto it, facing the wall. 

For a moment he didn't say anything and she thought he was going back to sleep, but in an instant she felt his presence over her shoulder. 

"Tell me why you are crying. Maybe I can help you." 

That was too much for Sango to bear. She turned on him, her tear-streaked, red face flashing at him for an instant. 

"You!" she screamed, "it's all you, dammit! Stop trying to make it better, because you _won't, _because there's _nothing _you can do, is there, Miroku?" 

He was taken aback by her accusations turning on him. It took him a second longer to realize that one word was ringing in his ears- _Miroku. She'd dropped the formal, familiar "houshi sama" in her fury for something that he'd longed to hear out of her mouth. It just wasn't the same hearing it out of her mouth when she hadn't remembered him.  _

"Sango chan…" words failed him, and he mentally cursed his lack of communication. For a thousand emotions had presented themselves to him at that moment, but he couldn't utter one. 

"I'm sorry," he said simply, apologizing for everything he'd ever done to her-hurting her, touching her, loving her. 

Her chest kept heaving in and out for air, but her eyes went wide. In those two simple words, she felt every one of his emotions as clearly as she felt her own. 

"You don't know how much I worried about you," he continued, finally finding words, "It was so agonizing to me that you were so close, yet so far from me. Here in body, but your heart lost to me forever." His voice still rang with pain as he recalled those painful hours. 

She felt his wanting, then. He didn't want them to be two separate people alone in their suffering; and she wanted to help him, too. 

"I should be the one apologizing," she said slowly, looking down with shame clouding her eyes. She did not want him to see it. "I allowed myself to be fooled…doubted you….attacked you….worried you….I wish there was some way I could make you realize how sorry I am…"

Just the mere thought of all these things brought a fresh batch of tears to her eyes. 

She almost did not hear his voice softly cutting through the single teardrop running down her face. "There is way."

She was shocked to feel his hand on her chin pushing it up gently. Until now they had not touched; there seemed to be a physical barrier between them. Neither had wanted to touch the other, to break that vow of light chastity. 

"What…?" 

"I won't forgive you unless you kiss me."

Miroku closed his eyes, hoping she wouldn't slap him.

Opening them a crack, he saw her staring at him. Her mouth was slightly agape, eyes unbelieving and still full of tears. 

Finally, a smile broke through a little bit. She didn't know whether she wanted to laugh at him or slap him. 

"I shouldn't have been so surprised, Miroku. It's just like you to say something like that." Her voice, though still clogged with tears, was laced with amusement. 

"So will you?"

She looked at him then. The fire had died a while ago, but the slight embers still lit up his eyes, and the expression on his face was hinted towards her. She saw the wanting; it cut through her like a knife. It matched what she felt inside perfectly. They just couldn't deny it any more…it was like hot coal, being passed back and forth between them. The pain built up and became too much to bear any longer, so one of them had to drop it. Sango took a deep breath. 

 "I will."

His eyes softened, and he looked more serious than she had ever seen him look before. 

Sango struggled to still her racing heart.. It was so silent in the room that she thought he had to have heard it. 

As his face grew so close that he became a blur, she instinctively tilted her head and let their lips touch. 

At first it was only a brushing of a kiss as their lips tested one another out, tasted one another for the first time.

_Soft. _That was the first word that appeared in Sango's mind His lips were so soft. Their warmth seemed to rush through her whole body. 

But the most shocking sensation was the living, throbbing emotion that the kiss had unlocked. A blinding, soaring passion lying over a deep feeling of contentment. 

As if…this was the right thing. As if she was _home_. 

Her brain had given up trying to figure out Miroku long ago. Some days he would lead her into believing her felt the same way about her as she did for him, but in the next instant he acted politely distant as usual. 

But now…now he finally forced her to admit to herself what she had denied for so long. 

She was in love with the perverted monk. Deeply, passionately, truly. 

The kiss, which had started out chaste and innocent, a mere repenting action, grew deeper. Sango felt his tongue licking her lips, and she parted them a little bit. 

It seemed there was no satisfying this annoying feeling. The longer she was intoxicated  by the spirit of the kiss, the more of him she wanted…but the more she got, the more she wanted. Both of them held on to one another, not because they wanted one another, but because they _needed one another. _

So inexperienced was she. Miroku seemed to know exactly what was going on and where they were headed while she, Sango, blindly let him lead. 

Cautiously, tentatively, as if she was not sure if this was the right thing to do, she wrapped her arms around his neck and lightly stroked the warm skin where the tiny hairs grew.  

She felt his body stiffen as a shiver ran through him. 

"Sango…" he whispered, his voice more sigh than sound. His lips moved from hers and began caressing her face with them, leaving a trail of moist skin. 

She clutched onto his robes. This wasn't leading to where she thought it was…was it? But it did not matter, because emotions overpowered her mind long ago. There was no way to protest anyways; her body would not let her. 

Each kiss, each touch, induced a wave of emotion that made her feel helpless. Suddenly, he drew away, leaving her trembling for more, more, more. 

"what are you doing?" She asked awkwardly. Had she displeased him in some way? She untangled herself from his robes and stared up at him. 

Miroku noticed how her eyes looked different. They were naked; there was no shield over them now, protecting her true emotions from him. Now all he could see was the raw passion and strength there. Mixed in was the smallest bit of fear. Seeing her like that unnerved him. It was as if he was looking straight into her soul. Somehow, this was worse than seeing her physically stripped. 

"I'm sorry," he said softly. 

"For what?"

He'd crossed over the line. He loved her, but she was not his. As much as he acted like a lecher, he would never take advantage of a girl just so he could get a child, especially Sango, and he'd come damn close. 

"Sango chan, you are not mine. I can't…"

"But…"She pursed her lips, but the shield still did not come down over her eyes. 

"I can't let you love me."

"I don't care," she said, "It hurts me more to know you're so close…" a blush spread across her face, and she seemed to have trouble finishing. 

"So close, and so far from me," she finally stammered out, echoing his earlier statement.  

Her face was the color of a tomato now, and she groped for something to fix her eyes on- anything- and found herself staring at his right hand. 

"It's ugly, isn't it?" He said softly, "it makes me dirty, this curse. I thought no woman could ever love someone like me. But you, you were the first girl ever to shed tears for me."

"You're not dirty!" She said a little to loudly, surprised at his sudden confession. 

His only response was to put a finger to her lips to silence her, than to sigh. At that moment the sadness in his eyes was so great that she felt herself being torn up inside. 

Sliding her hand foreword, she covered his slightly larger one with her own. He turned it over and intertwined fingers with her, and for a long time the two of them simply sat together, gently stroking one another's hands, pensive expressions on their faces. 

"You have such pretty hands," he murmured, picking her hand up and studying it, "Slim, but the calluses show your warrior spirit."

She didn't know what to think at this point. Her mind was a swirling vortex of emotion- part of her wanted to let herself melt into his words, forget everything. But she couldn't, not when it was so urgent that they kill that bastard Naraku before it was too late. 

"Houshi sama…" she said, the formal name sounding odd after what they'd just experienced, "We should start planning how we're gonna kill Naraku, now, before we run out of time."

He looked up at her slowly, as if being aroused from a deep slumber. He knew the time was running short. "I do not know if even that will save me. But I did promise you I would fight if you fought alongside me. But…can't we just have this one night just to ourselves?"

"what?"

"This one night, just for us. No Shikon no Kakera, no Shikon no Tama, no Naraku or Kazaana. Just you, and me."

"But Miroku-"

"Sango, listen to me.." the abrupt tone in his voices silenced her. 

Taking a deep breath, he began talking. "I know there are a lot of things I do wrong. I'm perverted, and horny, and flirtatious. I know I love all those things, but I would dump them in an instant if you would just give me the chance to protect you for the rest of my life. I do not think I will live much longer."

Her eyes softened; she knew. 

 " but I'm asking you now to give me the deepest honor,"

She looked at him, eyes questioning. 

"I want you to become my wife tonight and bear my child."

She simply stared at him, mouth dropping open slightly. "what..?"

"You mean you want me, I mean us, you, you want to…"

"Night's only good for one thing!" He added teasingly, but his smile faded with her silence. A million thoughts must have been running themselves around in her head, but she tortured him with a stoic, expressionless mask. It seemed to be an eternity that he stared at her mouth, waiting for it to move. 

_Marry him? Become his? _The second the proposition hit her, it seemed that something inside her shifted, exploded with happiness. The reaction dismayed her and she instantly tried to push it away. But there was no fighting it. It was so strong that there was no point in denying how much she wanted him at her side. 

It was so abrupt that she had barely been expecting it. She remembered the last time she'd been proposed to…he'd  seized her hands in his and in a blunt fashion of words, asked for her hand. She hadn't known what to say then; she didn't love him, and already her feelings for Miroku were becoming stronger each day. 

That night, she wondered if he would ever ask her the same question, and here he was, anxiously awaiting an answer, but the circumstances were so completely different from what she'd imaged. His eyes seemed beseeching, and she was sure that if he knew about the eager expression on his face, he would be disgusted with himself, but for the moment, she looked at his face and at that moment she couldn't keep the words inside her any more. 

They had failed; it felt like a part inside of her had died. They'd wasted the time they had left. If only she had not angered him. If only he had not flirted with that other girl. If only she had not run away…the list went on and on. 

The more she thought about their past, the more of a desire she had to vomit. They'd had such a beautiful shot at happiness, but they'd made all the wrong choices at all the wrong times. The sand had run out of the hourglass and now she could count the grains in her hands. But all she could do was hold fast to them and make use of the small amount of time they had left. It was time to follow her heart instead of her head for once.  

Finally her eyes met his. "I'll be yours," she said softly, "make me yours tonight."

Even now, in the dark of the night, Sango felt that familiar warm liquid caressing down her cheeks. She looked at her baby boy, and he stared up at her, an expression of absolute wonderment on her face. When she looked at him, she saw that moment all those months ago when she'd bound herself to Miroku. 

They had defeated Naraku three months ago; three months the boy had two striking, clear-skinned palms. She'd pleaded and begged to just let herself die with him, but they had held her back, telling her there was the child to consider, to carry on Miroku's legacy. 

Sometimes there were days that she felt herself almost able to be happy again, but those days slipped away as silently as her time with Miroku had. She knew she would never feel true happiness again. 

Yet, when she looked at her child, their child, she saw Miroku's eyes. For the faintest of moments, she was able to clutch onto the memories of her dreams before they slowly faded away. 

WOW. O_. that was the second most depressing thing I've ever written. (I still think my pokemon story "wounded in my eyes" is far more depressing than this) I have a habit of writing things like this that are so ultimately depressing… I almost was crying as I wrote it! ;_;  agh!

Well. 

*HUGS READERS* I love you!!!!!!! I'm surprised I got so much support with this story that only started out as a mere whim back in may that seemed so unoriginal! Well, I have a way of twisting things extremely. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing ;P But I thank you so much for all the reviews! I love reviews! ^_____^ I may or may not write more fics; it just depends on whether an idea hits me or not.*coughwritersblockcough* (however, I still have one more fic in progress-"Sango's Retaliation" watch for it! ^^ it's the sequal to Miroku's prisoner of war! ) *hugs readers again* I'll still be around, though! 

Lots of love,

x~Aurora 


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